Turning 40 was a bit of a kick in the proverbial nuts – I mean when you start telling people you’re in your 40s you are starting to get and feel old. You notice differences in your skin elasticity, parts of your body ache all the time, wrinkles start multiplying, and Botox becomes a more attractive option. Combine that with living in Noosa, and while this town covers all age and socio-economic groupings, one of the most powerful communities is the retirees.

Retirees come to Noosa because it’s stunningly beautiful and the old age/retirement home options are second to none – I mean you can have your own personal chef while sitting on a balcony overlooking the ocean. Definitely the place to come when you are no longer capable of wiping your own arse – however that is the point I’ve decided I’ll be happy to check out of this life or have no memory so I won’t care.

This demographic, in Noosa anyway, tends to be very well heeled (there’s a lot of millionaire’s here), and therefore, there is a significant advertising focus for this nest egg of spending money.

Steve’s parents left recently, but while here, they thought it would be funny to pick up the “Sunshine Coast Seniors Newspaper.” So we had to have a look!

Front page there’s massive advert entitled “Dentures Driving you Mad?” The artwork is beautiful. Then it goes on to financial care for retirees, a $100 payout if you buy an electronic wheelchair from “Scooters and Mobility,” there’s some stunningly comfortable shoe options available for the ladies, quality hearing aid options from a variety of suppliers, a plethora of retirement community adverts, more mobile scooters, as well as tilting beds, tilting chairs, pool and bath hoists (which look remarkably like sex swings), walkers, stair lifts, and you can even be part of a university memory loss and dementia study. Cool.

Of course funeral homes and funeral directors get a good stash of advertising space, and the obituary pages are extensive, but before your time comes, you’re encouraged to go on a cruise and play bridge, gamble at the local RSL club, enjoy the scheduled Christmas concerts coming up, and stuff yourself full of vitamins perfect for brittle bones and worn out bodies.

I have no issue with retirees I should add – hey we’re all heading there no matter what we think – but I do have an issue living in a town where everywhere I look are reminders of what I’ve got to look forward to. Every shopping area has hearing aid clinics, X-rays for horrible maladies, wheelchair servicing shops, old age communities, frock shops for seniors, and there is not a single shop in this town that doesn’t advertise discounts for senior citizens.

I know I’m going to get old, or at least hopefully live as long as I want to, but I can’t keep living in a town that reminds me every day of the destination. It’s going to come when it comes, but I can’t help but think that if I’m made constantly aware of it, then it’s only going to come faster.

So leaving Noosa is a priority for us. Not just because of this, but it’s definitely one of my reasons. I am not going to get older any faster than I have to, and I’m more motivated now to stay young for as long as possible in my body, but even more determined to stay young in my mind. I reckon my little lads will help with that – I’m certainly hoping so, because I never want to become irrelevant to them, or an old bag with ignorant fixed opinions in their minds anyway. Wish me luck?

Yours, without the bollocks
Andrea