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I always knew last night was going to be a really shit night. I mean hourly checks on Lex and a fold out bed for mum was never a good start. When I finally got into bed I noticed a bar right across the middle at hip level, so it was off to a shocking start. I told Steve and he quipped you get a mini bar in Singapore, and a back crippling bar in Australia. Thanks love. Sarah, the student nurse, had been doing the hourly checkups on Lex until 10.30pm and she was sweet, quiet and didn’t even wake Lex as she did her duties. Come 11pm, bang, crash, wallop, “hi I’m nurse Heather and I’ll be doing the hourly checks on Lex tonight.” Terrific! Heather reminded me of my mother, was probably about the same age and girth, and she was old school. Every time she came in, she made a horrendous amount of noise, woke Lex every time, woke me every time, talked at the top of her voice, was rough and ready, and it was like a nightmare. It felt like every time I slept, she came crashing in and my feeble body had to unlock itself from the painful bar to get up and administer the drugs to Lex. Hospitals are the worst place on the planet to get any rest, but when there’s a Nurse Heather doing the rounds you’re doubly fucked. Thankfully we’re home. I’m destroyed, Steve’s destroyed and the patient is bouncing around with too much energy for someone who’s gone through an operation. Anyone available to babysit for a few days so Steve and I can catch up on sleep? Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Well there was a day! All the anxieties, the tears, the money spent on gifts and Lex was a bloody legend – cool as a cucumber all day. We had a two hour wait before he went into surgery, but no problem, hunger and all. There was plenty to do, take the climbing opportunities the doctor’s lockers represented! I held him while they anesthetized him and he was great. Not to mention that I believe I was actually quite stoic at this point, but fuck isn’t it hard walking out looking at your child stretched out on the table… The wake up afterwards was definitely the worst part of the day and my little love was all over the place, crying, confused, completely spun out – it took him a while to calm down and, while I’m sure my singing in a public place didn’t help the other patients, Lex seemed to appreciate it. The doc said it all went well and apparently Lex had two of the largest adenoids he’d ever seen – in fact, the two preceding patients’ tonsils combined were the same size as Lex’s adenoids – no wonder he always snored. Steve finally got to see Lex when we came to his room, as Steve’s job that morning was Jax. It was pretty tough for Steve only getting involved at that point, but as always, he’s a beautiful Dad and he held Lexie tight for as long as he could. A bonus of today is we’ve been able to do things with Lex we’ve never done – we got to sit with him on our laps for extended periods of time. Amazing. He also enjoyed doing some things he’s never done – like eating jelly and custard. Wasn’t interested in the ice-cream though – weirdo. So it’s been a great day for us and I know his recovery will be swift. Within an hour of recovery he was already swinging off the pull up handle, so he’s well on the way. Obviously being in a hospital, you can’t help but wonder about everyone else. There is the section of joy (the maternity ward), the section of normal everyday (like us) and then there’s the serious section. You see all sorts walking around – some angry, some sick, some tired, some overjoyed, some apathetic – it brings it all out. I watched a grown lad arrive in a wheel chair and he’d obviously broken his back along the way, and there were his parents – devoted, fit and happy to be doing what they had to do. I admired them. Hospitals certainly attract all sorts of people and they level us out. We’re all in different but the same boat. Even if you are visiting someone and you’re well, the day will come when you will be in a hospital. It’s a bit challenging and confronting that. But my hat goes off to the parents of children going through the really tough stuff. I honestly honestly don’t know how you do it, and I know that you do DO it because there is no choice, but crikey, this was hard enough! Right time for sleep in a fold up bed with hourly interruptions… yeah it ain’t going to be a good night of sleep me thinks… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: I want to send my love to Laura, on her 21st day in hospital. You recover and get strong girl. We all love you.

Tomorrow is Lex’s operation and I’m starting to get really anxious about it now. He’s having his tonsils and adenoids removed and grommets inserted into his ears. I’ve got to tell you the idea of my little lad going under the chop is almost too much to deal with, and last night I was snapping and snarling at Steve before apologizing and then bursting into tears. We are both feeling the pressure mount that’s for sure. But how can we not? If it was one of us, we’d be anxious for the other but we’d be OK. However, the little man we brought into the world is one of the most precious things we know – equalled only by the Jaxster and of course, each other – so it’s not surprising we are feeling anxious. We know logically it’s going to be fine, but shit does happen and I reckon the worst moment in the whole process was signing a form where ‘death’ was listed as a possibility. As you can imagine, it’s hard to control your mind from imagining the worst, however, I’m working really hard at shutting negative thoughts down instantly because I am a believer that what you think happens after all. He will be fine because he’s strong, healthy and spirited, and afterwards, we’re going to have a whole new little man on our hands that can speak, hear and communicate – we can’t wait! I had a little shop for him today to get him brave boy presents, and Steve did the same. We figure that’s a nice part of an operation – getting spoilt. Steve started the brave boy/girl present tradition with me not long after we met. We think it’s a nice touch. We’ve both bought him too much stuff and Steve told me he burst into tears in Toys R’ Us – thank God we’re not dealing with anything super serious or we’d be basket cases! Naturally we also got presents for Jax because this will be quite a big deal for him having both mumma and Lexie gone for two days and a night. So he’s got a dump truck and a bug collector, and a mobile phone and a MacQueen truck, and, and, and – yeah we’ve spoilt them. I reckon the biggest challenge tomorrow morning will be getting Lex out the door with no food and ignoring his requests for anything but water. How do you tell a child that can’t hear properly and who cannot reason that he needs to fast? It should be interesting, but the best thing to do with Lex is to keep him moving and he’ll have a lot of new stuff to experience, which is always better than eating – in his world. Right better get to bed – don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep the next few days… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Can anyone tell me why I have only just watched this magnificent movie? I mean it is full of HOT sexy men, all rippling with muscle while only wearing knee high boots, jocks and a cape. It’s about ancient history, mythology, religions and warriors – just a few of my favourite things. It’s full of beautiful people, I’ve never seen a movie filmed like it, the colours are dazzling and the slow motion battle scenes are mesmerizing. It’s about loyalty, love, strength, honour, and how very few can stand up to the hordes, all the while questioning tradition and religious dogma. But the best bit is definitely the male form – YUM! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I think everyone experiences something intense with their children – some experience really horrible scenarios, like childhood cancers, and others less intense, such as learning delays or ‘minorish’ accidents. My intense thing is Lex’s speech delay. He’ll be four in November and that means for the past four years I’ve had to interpret his wants and needs based on his actions or various noises. Sometimes he’ll use words or phrases, like a recent favourite “where is it?” But when you ask him what “it” is, he’ll just keep saying where is it? Grrrrrrr it’s frustrating! Steve and I have both worked so hard with him to develop his verbal communication – speaking to him, getting down to his level and using words for objects he’s asked for, reading to him and so much more – but up until recently, I’ve said it’s not an issue. There are many famous people with amazing minds in the world who didn’t utter a word until after four, and I know that Lex is extremely clever and determined, so I wasn’t worried. Then bring in Jax, a verbal maestro! He is now two and a half and his language and comprehension is amazing. He knows what he wants and he knows how to ask for it. It has been an incredible relief having a child communicate their needs I’ve got to tell you and Jax never holds back on the communication. I love our little conversations and he is also a very clever little fellow, not to mention bloody funny. He is definitely the man who makes everyone smile when life gets tense. The other thing that started to concern me with Lex’s speech is that his tongue was all over the place in his mouth when trying to say words. This was probably the first real sign for me that we had an issue. Lex has definitely started trying to speak more (most certainly because of Jax) and it wasn’t until he really started trying to speak that I noticed we had a potential problem. As any parent knows, any issues that come up with your kids – big or small – are really hard to deal with. I truly believe that parents just want their kids to be “normal,” mainly because we want our kids to have an easy ride in this world. I hate to think that life will be a struggle for either of my lads. So a couple of months ago I took him to an ear, nose and throat specialist. One look in his ears and down his throat and the verdict was in – he has compressed ear drums and he needs grommets. If you cup your hands over your mouth and speak, that is how Lex hears the world. Poor love, not only is his hearing impaired, he’s got a mother who speaks a million miles an hour, so he’s doubly stuffed! He also needs to get his tonsils and adenoids removed. He’s snored since he was born and until I saw the specialist, no one had ever told me it wasn’t normal. Apparently no child should snore, so if yours does, get them checked out. We still can’t believe the number of doctors who’ve looked in his ears and no one has ever noticed his ear drums…. But that’s life huh? All of this has also impacted his behaviour. The tonsils and adenoids mean he doesn’t sleep very well, so he’s tired all the time. But equally, he’s frustrated as hell that no one can understand him so he acts out – not a lot, but enough. It all recently came to a head at his pre-school – a whole other story – where his behaviour got so bad he was basically not welcome anymore. We find it hard to believe that he could ever be that bad because while he can be a shit at home, he’s certainly not unmanageable. There’s another story I’ll write about soon in regards to that school but essentially, for six months, he was physically abused by a teacher and because he didn’t speak, he didn’t tell us – AHHHHH!! But more on that soon. Anyhoo, it’s been really tough for all of us. Steve and I bend over backwards to make our boys happy – we always have and we always will. We pay attention to them every minute we are with them and will do whatever it takes to make them content with their lot in the world. Life’s hard enough without being ignored by your parents. So it’s really important to us. Now we just want a happy and contented little man that talks to us about what he wants and how he feels. I can’t wait to have conversations with him. I want him to tell me how he’s feeling, what he enjoyed and what he didn’t + why, not to mention I want him to tell me if anyone hurt him and for him to understand that it is never OK. Those conversations feel a long way away right now, and we are 100 percent banking on this operation being the answer to all of our problems with Lex. If it’s not, we’ll face it, but for now, that is what we are holding on to. Lex is a sweet, extremely adventurous and very clever little man, and I just want him to walk through this world with ease in his heart and to know he is completely loved and supported, no matter which path he takes. But for now, I just want to talk to him and when people say to us “you can’t wait for them to speak and then you just want them to shut up.” I can say, with my hand on my heart, that I will never ever want either of my boys to shut up – except when they’re moaning of course! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: this week Lex went to a new pre-school. In the