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Book cover, as featured on Amazon.com I’ve just finished reading a monster of a book – “Why the West Rules for Now – The Patterns of History and What They Reveal About the Future” by Ian Morris and I have to say, WHAT A BOOK!! It is an amazing perspective of our world, from the beginnings of humans settling down (around 12,000+BCE) to now, with some powerful thoughts on the future. I love history, so facing a big book like this is no big deal for me, however typically I take a couple of days to read a book, but this one took me a couple of weeks – but it was well worth it and I wish everyone read it. The best thing about this book is the way it’s written – Ian has a lovely, informal style, bringing in lots of references to popular culture, as well as humour, which makes it readable for everyone. I think this is very important as many of his contemporaries write too academically – which means it doesn’t appeal to a broader readership. Looking at our entire social development, but focusing on four areas of measurement – energy capture per capita, organisation/urbanization, war making capabilities and information technology – Ian traces human social development back to when we first started jacking in the “hunter gatherer” lifestyle around 12,500BCE. Kicking off in a place known as the Hilly Flanks – later Ancient Mesopotamia, and today mostly in modern-day Iran – this is the earliest known evidence where humans settled, got organised, and from there, it all began. There is other evidence, such as pottery making in China in 16,000BCE and wall building in Peru in 11,000BCE, but this is where Ian begins and explains his case. It’s a fascinating journey. Social development, as defined by Ian in the book is: “the bundle of technological, subsistence, organizational, and cultural accomplishments through which people feed, clothe, house, and reproduce themselves, explain the world around them, resolve disputes within their communities, extend their power at the expense of other communities, and defend themselves against others’ attempts to extend power. Social development, we might say, measures a community’s ability to get things done, which, in principle, can be compared across time and space.” Based on the premise that the world has evolved until today with two cores – East and West – Ian compares social development of both cores, with both progressing in essentially the same way but not always at the same time, with the East sometimes overtaking the West, but it is the West that predominately leads the East, until a short time into the future when the East may again overtake the West – but that depends on the decisions we make today. The book also tracks “The Five Horses of The Apocalypse” and the impact they had at the times they reared their ugly heads. The five horses are: climate change; famine; state failure; migration; and disease. Sound familiar? Scary stuff indeed, with many of these things already predicted. There are a couple of conclusions Ian focuses on that stood out to me: People – in large groups – are all pretty much the same We always get the thoughts we need to deal with the time we are in – so for example, the religions humans developed and still follow make sense in the context of this argument, because they met a need at the time they were created, but maybe are not relevant for this new age? People are essentially lazy, greedy and frightened, looking for easier, more profitable and safer ways to do things – that’s a continuing theme throughout the book We’ve always had wars and migration, but when you read it in the context of our entire history, war no longer makes sense – in any way! Empires always fail, war costs money and destroy countries’ economies, and future wars have such potentially catastrophic consequences that it’s time to sort out this aspect of humanity. Our future is about being together as one whole, with one Core, and making it work for everyone or… We need to let go of the nationalism and hatred tied up in history – especially towards current or former colonial powers. They did what was “needed” then and the whole world moved forward because of these actions. The reality is, most of the old world countries have had a go at it at some point, and the new world countries are following suit – but for the world to keep growing and prospering, the time to let go of hatred is upon us, or we will be no more. Hard to imagine when we can’t even watch international sport without kicking the shit out of each other and domestic violence increases too! Migration is top of the pops for issues within Western countries around the world (as we see too often in the media), but the greatest social development occurred because of migrations – so perhaps it’s time to change this mindset?  The reality is we need to. It is expected that 200 million “Climate Migrants” are expected to be on the road by 2050 (five times as many as the world’s refugee population in 2008). Check out the below map from the book, featuring the “Arc of Instability,’ which is expected to face water scarcity issues by 2025. Rich countries can pipe water, poor countries cannot. Needless to say, in the not too distant future, there’s going to be a lot of thirsty and hungry people needing help and so what are we doing today to make sure we’re set? Then again, it’s not that we have a great track record of helping those starving… The threat of war around this issue is frightening as well… The Arc of Instability page 602 “Why the West Rules for Now” (sorry a bit wonky, as hard to scan a book page) And then we go into the future, and reading the worst case

I had an article published in Finder Magazine, one of Singapore’s leading expat mags. It was a good result, as we’re trying to build the profile of our kids’ adventure blog – Singaporekids365. As a result of the article, many have checked out the blog, so that’s a win. However, when I first saw the article, the one thing that caught my eye was the introduction – “Mother of two and co-author…” – I did a double take, because I don’t think I have ever referred to or thought of myself as a “Mother of two.” Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mother to my two rambunctious munchkins. They have added a dimension to my life that is so unconditionally love based, I can hardly breathe sometimes. It’s a wonderful thing becoming a mother for sure, but it’s not the only thing I am. I am also a wife, but I never think of myself that way either. I happened to marry the sweetest and most thoughtful man on the planet, but I see him as my partner in crime, not my husband, nor I, his wife. In the context of the article, where this reference was made, of course it makes complete sense to introduce me that way. After all, the article was a feature of 10 inexpensive adventures to do with your little loves over the school holidays in Singapore. So it established my credibility to write the article, and that’s a good thing. But seeing that label up in lights just made me think – is that what I am today? Is that how I think of myself? Is that how the world views me? I know that I don’t think of myself that way exclusively, but many times I meet up with friends and the first thing they do is ask about the boys. When this happens, it always stops me in my tracks, because the boys are one aspect of my life – a VERY big aspect – but there is so much more to me than that. I’ve never been a Mum that only wants to talk about my kids, and while I’m always happy to have a good ‘ol chin wag about the boys, I want to talk about other stuff too – a lot of other stuff. Some women do refer to themselves as mothers, and I think this is awesome. For example, we were at a comedy night a few years ago in Singapore – pre-kids – and the comedian was asking people in the front row “what do you do for a living?” One lady in front said “I’m a mother to twin girls.” Naturally the comedian took the piss out of her relentlessly, and she took it in her stride, but I am not the sort of gal to respond in that way. If people ask me what I do? I say I write, have my own business, blog, run a communications company, write marketing content for the IT industry, etc, etc, etc… I never say I’m a Mum or a Wife. It’s just not how I see myself. I suppose it’s all linked back to an issue I’ve written about many times before, that is still a challenge for me today – although less and less as the boys get a bit more independent. Becoming a mother has not been a smooth transition for me. I haven’t “loved” it as so many of my friends seem to do. I love my kids with all my heart and I’ll give them everything I’ve got, but equally, I’ve spent a lot of time fighting against the restrictions to my freedom since becoming a mother. This has been compounded by the fact that one of my loves has had to deal with huge challenges in his young life, and the person he’s needed most is his Mum. I’ve been there for him wholeheartedly, because he needs me (and he deserves all the love in the world), but it certainly hasn’t been easy. Just ask my husband, as he’s constantly watched me seething with frustration underneath because he knows I need to do so much more. Just this blog has been a lifeline for me during much of this time, because it gave me an avenue to create something, and that is so important to me. I don’t know why I’m driven to do anything else, rather than just kicking back and enjoying the ride. I’ve always been this way, and while I spend a lot of time frustrating myself with this crazy drive, it is who I am. Pursuing my personal/professional goals is as important to me as being a good mum, wife and friend. What I do with my time keeps me sane. It gets me up every day because I LOVE it. It stretches my brain. It puts me in touch with amazing people who inspire me. It makes me think. It makes me yearn to do more and achieve more. But probably the thing it makes me do most of all is value the time I get to DO what I love, and equally, value the other time I get to spend WITH my loves. I am Andrea Edwards. I’ve been AE since I was born and I’m very attached to my name. I didn’t change my name when I got married (much to the chagrin of others), because I am not Andrea Johnson – I don’t know who she is, although I’m sure there are a few of them around. I don’t have an issue with other women changing their names; I just didn’t want to change mine. Andrea Edwards has a lot of dimensions, and she loves them all, but she is not one of them, nor is she all of them, because who she is evolves every day. Andrea Edwards is a person of many faces, who primarily sees herself as a bit of an idiot who lives life to the full,

Adventure Man Lex in Action I don’t need to be right all the time. I’m pretty confident in my knowledge on the subjects I’m interested in, but I don’t claim to know everything, and love nothing more than someone showing me another way of looking at things. I’ve completely reversed many opinions in my life, and that makes me happy. However, in regards to my son Lex, I definitely did not want to be wrong. I wanted to be right right right. I wanted validation that he was speech delayed because he had hearing issues from birth, his erratic behaviour was linked to that, and as long as he had enough time, patience and love, then I could very happily report to the world, I was right. Well guess what – I was RIGHT!!! We met his teachers recently – for the first month catch up and assessment since starting at his new school – and as I’ve always known, Lex is speech delayed but catching up rapidly. There is nothing to diagnose, he’s just struggling with receptive language and his expressive language is behind as well. So all those times when I’ve told him to stop doing something, only to get a blank look and then he’s done it anyway – well he didn’t bloody understand what I was asking him! Before he started at his speech therapy focused school, Lex was already showing great progress. I mentioned in an earlier blog that one of the symptoms of speech delayed kids is they don’t feel the need to please people – which is actually really challenging for parents. At the beginning of this year, Lex was already changing and he started becoming desperate to please – especially me. It was a massive relief to see that change, because when your kid appears not to care, it’s really disconcerting. However, it is also this quality that leads many to believe a child has aspergers or something similar. Today Lex is talking, talking, talking – in fact, since starting at his new school, he doesn’t shut up! He’s getting his sentence structure together, really explaining what he wants clearly, and while his enunciation and understanding still needs work, it’s finally happening – hooray. He’s also much more social with other kids, often leading the charge in group activities, he’s putting himself out there with strangers, and just generally becoming the confident little man we always knew he was capable of being. Can you tell I’m relieved? The new school environment is a major contributor to his development. Before he was ignored, misunderstood or put in the “naughty” category. Now he has four teachers who are professionally trained to work with and understand kids like Lex. They never ignore him, they understand when his behaviour is signalling a level of frustration so take the time to acknowledge his need, and they get down on their knees and really listen to him. He’s also got two male teachers and I think that makes a HUGE difference as well. As such, Lex is now ten men and happy as a pig in shit to go to school. For the first time in his life, his home life and school life are consistent with all the adults working overtime to understand and love him. It’s really amazing to watch his growth and it’s such a massive relief for us. His teachers also adore him, and that is a rare treat as well. I can only remember one teacher who loved him in Oz – that was Amanda. When Lex first started at his new school, they said it typically takes 6-12 months for kids to get on track. In our meeting, they said he needs a further three months of intense therapy and then he can start being integrated into their mainstream school. From there, we can look at getting both boys into a bigger mainstream school (with on-going speech therapy), and we hope we will be done with the bollocks we’ve endured. Once again, to the other parents out there, I want to say don’t let them put a label on your kid if your heart says it’s wrong. I know how much pressure you can face – believe me – but if you know deep down, keep fighting for your kids, even when it takes so many options away from you. Our kids need us Mums and Dads to back them all the way – especially kids like Lex. If we had followed the advice we were given, Lex would be in a very different place right now, a place that would alter his future potential drastically and close off many options for him. I was never going to let that happen and I’m often amazed at how much I’ve had to fight for my son through this, but also how hard it’s been to find him a place in this world. For most of this battle I’ve only had two options, and only recently did we find a third. To say it’s been hard is an understatement, but it’s also been very heart breaking as well. I appreciate that there are some parents not willing to recognise the challenges their kids are facing – it’s a VERY difficult thing to come to terms with. I also recognise that many parents do face up to the harsh reality that their children have special needs. But there’s another type of family in this mash up, and that’s families like ours, who have a kid struggling to progress and instead of getting understanding and support, we’re constantly facing HUGE pressure to head in a direction we know is wrong for our child. Many times it’s because our kids are too hard and everyone just gives up on them. There’s nothing harder than hearing those words – always told in a politically correct way of course – because you need people who are capable to help you do everything they can to help your child

A few weeks ago, I posted this article featuring a vaginal lightening product on my Facebook profile, which apparently has gained widespread coverage, including this article in the Daily Mail and this very good video rant – she’s right.Featuring the advertising strap line: ‘Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner and, more importantly, fairer and more intimate’ – I thought it was crazy, and thankfully, I’m not alone. But even more interesting than that, one of my Indian lady pals exclaimed it was pure and simple racism. Well that started off a bit of a discussion, because until that point, I would classify it as stupidism, whatthefuckism, and whatnextism for sure, but racism? We discussed why racism and not sexism, and essentially it’s the internal racism she knew all too well growing up in India – a place she has long since left – that she was referring to. For me, it was a reminder of ads from the 50s and 60s, all geared towards showing women how to be better housewives and not much else. However, for my friend Sasha, it reminded her of a lot of tough times as a dark skinned girl growing up in India. The thing is, I am not an Indian lady, and I did not grow up in a country where the colour of my skin was a measure of my social standing. Skin colour just wasn’t an issue, and while the town I grew up in is more multi-cultural today, it wasn’t in the 70s and 80s. As such, I can’t recall any attention being given to the colour of my skin – although, if anything, white skin was bad because it meant you’d get sunburnt – much more of an issue in Australia! With that said, maybe some of my female friends would say bollocks, I experienced stuff, but more broadly, let’s face it, we were girls – there’s always some shite to deal with about the way you look, and not just when you grow up – always!  The Ironic thing about this photo – look how pale her skin is? However, my female Indian friends have very different experiences to tell – often blowing me away with their stories. The thing is, I can listen to what they say, but I can never really understand what it was like for them being part of a society that rated them on the colour of their skin. I really do find it very challenging understanding their life – because a woman’s worth is measured in such a different way to what I experienced in Australia.  Suffice to say we come from different worlds, but thankfully today, we’re all mixing together and learning from each other. My conclusion – we both had great things growing up and we both had bad things, because when it comes to us girls, no single country has it right. As a result of the original Facebook discussion with Sasha, I decided to ask a few of my female Indian friends what they thought about the advert. Sasha came back first and said: “ads are just ads. Some you remember for aesthetic reasons, some because you want to actually use the product and some because there is a hot bod in it. But this one is just plain disturbing!!! Of all the body parts I thought needed whitening, I never imagined my vagina was in the equation. Sure my face comes instantly to mind, because three days before I got married, I had a gram of turmeric paste on it pretty much all the time to make it lighter… really pleasant! “But I figured my essential core was all safe and good, as such, this advert was a rude awakening for me. Really? The white guy in the bar finds me less attractive because I don’t match up to his vision of how my vagina should look? Or worse still, the man there, clearly of Indian origin, prefers the ‘Chinese babe’ because of my ‘basic’ coloration? “My Indian friend tells me it’s biological – important body parts turn pink/red during sex – so it’s merely a reflection of that. My white friend sees it more as a sexist issue… because let’s face it, it’s not like an issue is ever made about the colour of a 10-incher! But I see it as a racist issue – probably triggered by the anxiety on the face of my relatives, who took one look at me and proclaimed – ‘I should have had my dad’s coloration (he could pass off as a very ruddy Middle-Eastern male) and my mum’s features’ (who could have been a model in Da Vinci’s time with her classical features).   “Alas, I’m me! An enlightened Indian woman, who’s travelled the world, have found people from all races attractive, and have been hit on by men belonging to varied races. My message to the impressionable women is perhaps there’s a different ‘core’ you need to be working on?” Alternatively, my friend Shradha didn’t experience the colour issue growing up in India: “being born and brought up in the eastern part of India, Kolkata, where most people share a common wheat-ish skin colour, I never felt out of place. Although I would still agree that men did fancy fairer looking girls/ladies. Maybe fair skin is more beautiful to men?” According to an ad exec commenting in the Daily Mail article, apparently it’s not about being more beautiful when you’re fairer, it’s because your features can be seen more clearly? “The only reason I can offer for why people like fairness, is this: if you have two beautiful girls, one of them fair and the other dark, you see the fair girl’s features more clearly. This is because her complexion reflects more light.” Crikey!! Going back to my friends. One of my very dear friends, Reema, who grew up in Chandigarh, Northern India, responded differently again – in a way not dissimilar to what any girl would hear from her

My little lad Jax (four) is having a tough time of it at the moment. He HATES the thunder storms ravaging Singapore, especially those in the wee hours of the morning, and he’s having a bit of a bad run with nightmares – bless.  The tears and gnashing of teeth are momentous, until we welcome him into our bed between us, where he feels safe and secure. But his fears have now become pre-emptive, and many a night we have to get him off to sleep, reassuring him there’s nothing to be scared about, because Mummy and Daddy are here to keep him safe for as long as we can. It’s been about a month now, and every night we hear the patter of little feet as he climbs into our bed around 1.30am or so. Last night he had a nightmare at that time, but I got him back off to sleep in his own bed, only to have him creep in again around 4am. All parents know that a small child in ‘the big bed’ looks cute in the pictures, but the reality is very different. They twist, turn, fart, and groan… it really is amazing how much space a little body can take up. A couple of times one of us has given up, sleeping in Jax’s bed, but we’re now at the point of being too tired to do anything but try to wrangle some space in our own bed to sleep. I know some of my fellow parents out there will say it’s your own stupid fault for letting him into your bed in the first place, and they are right. BUT we made a decision when the boys were born that we’d be there for them whenever they needed it, no matter the consequences, and we’ve stuck to that promise. Making sure they feel safe and secure is our number one priority for them. The problem is I’m now a weary, grumpy bitch and just hope Jax gets over it soon. Bless him, these fears are so real and so big, but for Mum and Dad, they’re just plain exhausting. Parenting, remind me why the hell we do it again? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

Our great friend Suz gave the boys a little bit of money so they could buy themselves a new toy. At four and five their understanding of money is not quite there yet, but we’re working on it. They proudly put their cash in their wallets and off we trundled to Toys ‘R’ Us for a shopping adventure. Anyone who’s been knows that Toys ‘R’ Us is an absolute dreamland for little tykes – filled floor to ceiling with dreams. It’s amazing for kids, while also overwhelming, but they get there in the end – if you’re patient. So after a relatively short period of time, the choices were in – a colour changing Finn McMissile for the Jaxster, and oars (for our yellow boat) for Lex. Happy boys. Usually when we get to the counter I pay while the boys run around. This time I said to the shop assistant we need to run these through separately and please work with the boys to help them pay. All I got was a bloody surly cow, huffing and puffing throughout, probably wanting to speak to her mate on the phone, and we definitely felt like we were an inconvenience. This is big teaching stuff we’re doing with our kids, not just about money, but about responsibility, independence and confidence, and of all the places I expect a little bit of understanding, it’s at Toys ‘R’ Us! Therefore can I recommend to Toys ‘R’ Us management that they invest in training their staff to get in synch with their customers (kids and adults alike), and perhaps buy everyone a copy of “The Leader Who Had No Title”? I appreciate that working in a low paying job, like being a check out chic at Toys R Us may not be everyone’s dream job. Some may be doing it because there’s nothing else. Some to pay their way through university. And maybe even some do it for the love of it… although I haven’t seen this in Singapore yet… BUT it’s about your attitude! Nothing lasts forever so why not enjoy it while it does? Life is certainly a lot more enjoyable when you make the most of whatever you are doing. People working in toy shops – for whatever reason – need to reconnect with their inner child, because they are selling dreams and imagination. Kids arm up on all of their fantasies when they explore a toy shop. It’s not just about getting stuff– although that’s obviously a big part of it – it’s about feeding imaginations and creativity. When kids walk into a toy shop they are overwhelmed with sites, colours, noises, sounds and smells. Everywhere they look is something that means something to them on some level. They don’t perceive the world as a whole like adults; they see bits and pieces as they wander through. It’s magical stuff for kids and people who work in these places need to understand this and make it even more magical. I don’t enjoy hanging out in toy shops. Kids get too much crap today and the majority of stuff in Toys ‘R’ Us is crap that breaks within a 24 hours of purchase. But all I ask is that people who work in toy shops embrace the total experience and make it great for kids and parents. The shops that do this will get everyone through the door. I mean it should be fun right? Alas my special learning experience with the boys was miserable, and it left me feeling disappointed. The boys didn’t give a shit of course, but will they grow up expecting this level of service? Is that what service will be for future generations? I certainly hope not. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea  

The final two – photo from www.americanidol.com Well it’s over ladies and gentlemen – two nights of fantastic TV every week, watching talented youngsters chasing their dreams – until January 2013 that is. Thankfully X Factor isn’t too far away (with Brittany Spears as a judge..) and apparently the producers of Idol have a new talent show launching in July – so some good stuff to look forward to. The new show is called ‘Opening Act’ and it looks like a pretty interesting idea…. As always, the results of American Idol have caused a lot of controversy – check out the comments on this article in E! News It’s always the same, but the criticism is amusing because it is the American public voting. In many ways, it’s a flawed part of the show, ‘cos the mini-princesses (aka the female tween voters) are ALWAYS going to dominate voter demographics, so why is anyone surprised? Ultimately Phillip winning is a wonderful thing for the show and for music, because he’ll inspire brilliant musicians to take a chance on shows like Idol – and that’s good for us viewers. The other great quality Phillip has, that is inspirational, is the message it’s OK to be yourself – more kids need to embrace this. If the girls voted for him because he’s cute – that’s great, because they also voted for someone who’s a cracking muso. I don’t want to take anything away from Jessica because she is definitely a powerhouse voice, but she made one fatal error on the finale (which I believe is a sign of her immaturity) her “hit” song was bloody appalling. I believe she lost the show on that performance alone, but she’ll be OK – with a voice like that she can’t lose.   Ultimately, as the years go on, the show is attracting higher quality performers as people realise throwing your hat in with Idol is actually a very good thing for career prospects. I mean look at Adam Lambert – a global mega-star because of Idol. It didn’t matter that he didn’t win because the stage was set for superstardom. He’s definitely still my favourite contestant and the new album is cracking. As an aside, many are criticising the judges performance, but the trio have chosen far superior talent for the top 24 than their predecessors ever did – so that’s an indication to me they know what they’re doing. I also like the fact they’re nice to the contestants –showing a sensitive, human side is apparently bad by some people’s definition? It’s a brutal world the music business, but it doesn’t mean you need to shame young talent on global TV. I always believe positive encouragement gets better results – but I’m just a softy. The big news about the judges is apparently it’s JLo’s last season, which will be a shame – I admire her. Overall for me, this season was the best yet – and even though it’s said every year, I think it’s true. A sure sign it was a great year is I didn’t care who won, and for the first time, didn’t feel deeply disappointed by the results. Many in the top 10 were amazing, with Joshua at the top of my list, closely followed by Phillip, Skylar, Elise and Colton – they’re just my style. Jessica is going to have an amazing career, as is Holly – but I just don’t crave the music they perform. They’re the sorts of girls who’ll do a movie soundtrack for a romantic mega hit, but it’s just not my cup of tea. Doesn’t mean they’re not good. So another year is done and it was awesome. I love watching the emotion around people chasing their dreams, and I find it a fascinating process because some get it and improve, while others just don’t seem to find their groove on the show – Elise was one of those for me. She thought the judges were harsh, but she just didn’t find her way and she wasn’t warm enough – that makes a HUGE difference because American Idol is a popularity contest too. Tommy Hilfiger added a fashion dimension to the show this year which was cool, and Jimmy did a really great job – although what’s with the nose twitching? The producers also must have read my blog from last year :), because they had a past Idol perform on every show J – brilliant and they brought the guests back – in a slightly different way. American Idol is a great show, full of heart and bursting with talent. I love it and find it fascinating – but next year, how about a little more support for the girls America? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I was working with my friend Zoe recently, putting together an article discussing her experiences studying Reiki. One of the things she pointed out as guiding inspiration for her study was this: It had a big impact on Zoe because as she said, I can do this for one day surely? And so she’s practised it ever since and it’s changed her life. When I came home, I wrote it on the mirror in our bedroom, where I can read it throughout the day. I’ve also started talking through the concepts to the boys, in particular ‘be kind to every living thing’ because killing bugs and ripping out plants is very much the stage they’re at. It’s just good life guidance – nice and simple. Hope you enjoy it too. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel a massive sense of relief when Mother’s Day is over. There is always such a HUGE build up to it, with too much mushiness in the mix for me, and the expectations feel so big on everyone involved. But then that’s probably more to do with my memories of Mother’s Day growing up. From what I can recall, all celebrations in my family ended in disaster, with expectations not met, tears guaranteed, and there always seemed to be so much pressure around anything being celebrated. MD was definitely the biggest in the annual celebration calendar as far as unhappiness was concerned, so I know I feel a lot of anxiety around the day because of that – crazy how stuff from so long ago can still impact me huh? Need to let that crap go I guess… As a result of all of this, I am not a big fan of being celebrated – and that is one of the key reasons I ran away to Thailand to get married. I just don’t like it. But now I’m a Mum and I have to say, it’s strange for me facing Mother’s Day. On the one hand I think it’s a great thing to honour the Mum’s out there, because it’s definitely the hardest job in the world, but it’s also magnificently rewarding watching your children growing into the future adults you hope they will be. On the other hand, it was my choice to have them, so why should there be anything special for me? I will never make my children feel obligated to me for giving them life because it was my choice, not theirs. But then, Motherhood is the most important and undervalued role in society (closely followed by fatherhood) so it should be honoured and celebrated, because parent’s are contributing to the future of mankind – not by reproducing, but through the role we play in guiding our kids. I definitely find it all confusing and confronting. Last year, my beautiful, thoughtful husband messed up on Mother’s Day, and the reality is, I didn’t have any expectations of the day other than please please organise a day, don’t ask me what we should do, and let me come along for the ride. That’s what I want to do on Mother’s Day, just have one day in the year where I don’t have to think! Every day as a Mother there are so many aspects where you have to think about other people, and that is the constant aspect of life I’d love to be given a break from – just for one day! Steve did an awesome job this year. He kept it simple, we went to the beach, the boys made a picnic and played in the sand, and then we had pizza by the pool with great mates in the evening. Perfect. However there are other aspects to Mother’s Day that play with my mind as well. I know too many women who missed their shot at motherhood because they ran out of time, didn’t find a suitable Dad, didn’t have any luck getting pregnant or worse, they’ve lost children. In fact, Vick is living with us and this was her first Mother’s Day, so it was a painful reminder of the tiny baby she lost last year. I really felt for her going out into Singapore yesterday, with the constant reminder that she too is a Mother, but it’s hardly a celebratory experience knowing what she’s lost. My first thought yesterday when I woke up was how is Vick going to feel today? She’s a brave lady and I hope more than anything she has her chance again. There are other friends who haven’t had a chance and I wonder how they feel watching the social media frenzy leading up to Mother’s Day, along with the actual day, with everyone sharing their photos, gifts,  and lovely experiences. How does it make them feel? It just feels a bit brutal to me – and I’m one of the lucky ones who had no problem having children. If anything, it makes me more grateful I got the chance, but that still didn’t take away the roller coaster yesterday, going from feeling like the luckiest girl in the world, to wondering why the hell I had kids, to asking why there’s a day that celebrates the unhappiest time in my life, right back to reflecting on the power of a day that celebrates the happiest time of my life, and on and on and on. That’s Mother’s Day for me – a roller coaster of emotions and memories, some great, some bad and I suppose I’ve got to make sure I make new memories about what Mother’s Day means to me and my boys – which centres around a cruisey, lovely day, where we enjoy each other as much as we can. One thing for sure – I definitely want my boys to grow up with happy memories of Mother’s Day and absolutely no feeling of expectation. I know they love me, they tell me every day and I tell them every day. That’s all that matters… although Jax did wake up this morning and tell me he didn’t like me. Kids for you… Motherhood – it has certainly confused the hell out of me. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

The last week has been pretty interesting on the Gay marriage front don’t you think? The first sitting US president says he supports it (yay for Obama!) and if you missed it, here are his exact words, however in the same week North Carolina re-banned it, but have no issue with their standing law that cousins can marry… I find the whole discussion truly bizarre, because why does it matter so much to people? Why does anyone who is not gay care that gay people get married? There are two areas that bewilder me. The first has to be the case of the “religious” arguing the case – and I’m pretty much focusing on Christians here, because this is where the current argument resides most strongly in relation to the current news. Please understand that this is not an anti-Christian post, because most of the people I know who follow a Christian faith are loving people, accepting of all. However, for the people actively protesting against the right for gay  people to marry, well these Christians are claiming it’s because marriage is a sacred union between two people, but it’s main “job,” so to speak, is procreation. But this argument doesn’t stand up today, because married couples choosing not to have children is on the rise, and the majority of folk having kids are not married at all. According to this article, marriage with children is actually becoming an elite institution in the US and then this rather flimsy article talks about it again, claiming “about 65 percent say that the main purpose is to form a union for personal happiness and fulfilment as opposed to having and raising children,” said Cary Funk, a senior researcher at Pew Research Center. In fact, when you read this article, children are listed below sharing house hold duties as a priority in many marriages today. Moving onto divorce statistics, according to this article, atheists divorce less than Christians AND the highest divorce rates are in the bible belt, which is repeated in this other article. Additionally, another stat from Wikipedia, claims that 40% of all marriages in the US end in divorce. So um, can someone please explain to me why the sanctity of marriage is part of this argument when it comes to gay marriage when it’s very clear Christians are doing such a poor job of it? I think the sanctity of marriage, as defined by a 2,000 year old religion, has already altered so radically, this argument just doesn’t stand up for me. The other issue about Gay marriage for me is this question – does it cost “the people” anything? Are gay couples a burden on the State? If you haven’t heard of it, the “Pink Pound” is an economic term that describes the financial power of this community, as two same sex couples, without kids, have a greater chance of earning more money than most. In the US gay people are generally considered economically advantaged, and as it’s also such a strong and supportive community, they take care of their own – further reducing the chance of any burden on the State. So this is also part of my confusion. Gay people getting married makes absolutely no impact on the rest of us. They don’t cost us anything, and if we choose, we need never have gay people in our lives, so why is it such a big deal to people? Which I suppose brings it back to the religious argument. I can’t write about this without mentioning some of the disgusting “Christian” antics in regards to homosexuality in the case of the Westboro Baptist Church protesting at Military funerals (check out this video – outrageous – and the Tyra Banks one) “claiming God is killing troops in Iraq and Afghanistan to punish the United States for tolerating homosexuality.” I mean is that Christian? Seriously, I appreciate that this is only one very small sect within Christianity, but if there is a God, I can’t imagine She is sitting in heaven, looking down on those antics with a smile on Her face, saying good on you boys and girls – you are representing me well! That is not the sort of God I could ever believe in – can you? And yet everyone involved in these protests is claiming they speak in God’s name when it comes to homosexuality being an abomination. Did I miss something here? Didn’t God create us in Her own image? If so, homosexuals would be included, yes? Or is there another human master craftsmen in the mix the Church didn’t tell me about? The way I see it is this – if two people love each other and want to make a commitment to each other, why not? It doesn’t hurt another living soul, so why is it an issue for the rest of us? Why can’t we just mind out own bloody business when it comes to this issue? Let’s face it, the traditional model of marriage has been deteriorating for the last half century, and I believe it’s only going to continue to erode if society doesn’t clean up its act and get focused on the things that are important – like supporting families, of any description. I believe all of these Christian groups who are protesting against Gay marriage need to look at themselves and focus on their own shit, rather than getting involved in something that doesn’t concern or impact them at all. Maybe at the same time they could also relearn Christian values? We need to move on from this discussion, allowing all people to live as they wish – as long as they are doing no harm to others – while also remembering one of the best teachings of the Church – Thou Shalt Not Judge. And while we’re at it, perhaps another little goodie attributed to Jesus “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” And to my dear gay friends, who I feel so