There’s a lot of stuff I could comment on regarding the tedious shit a parent endures, especially in these toddler/pre-school years, because there really is just a lot of tedious shit to endure. BUT I think the thing I hate the most is the standing around… wait a minute, maybe it’s not the thing I hate most, because of course there is whining and nagging…
Anyways, I’m at an indoor playroom with the boys right now, and most of the time I bring some work to keep me sane, while also playing with the boys throughout the time we’re here, although more often than not my role is to stop them doing something dangerous.
Don’t get me wrong, I love playing with the boys, but seven days a week/365 days a year my imagination and enthusiasm is certainly lacking a lot of the time, probably because I HAVE to do it and almost certainly because they woke me up at 5am! The other factor that makes it challenging is a lack of focus. It’s getting better, but the only activities that keep my lads focused are swimming, climbing, running, throwing rocks and of course, TV. Trains, trucks, cars., bikes, scooters and balls are getting a longer run too – so it’s getting better, slowly, very slowly.
But most of the time I am at playgrounds, or by rivers, or anywhere really, just standing around making sure the boys don’t get into trouble. Sometimes they actually want me to participate in their activities, but a lot of the time they just want to do what they want to do and would prefer it if mum just pissed off. You feel so valued let me tell you.
I came to the conclusion, quite some time ago, that I’m not a children’s entertainer. I play with the boys every day, but I don’t enjoy entertaining them – I figure that’s something they should be sorting out for themselves. I know a lot of mums who feel the same.
For the last 18 months or so, I’ve done a lot of standing around by myself, especially with Steve away so much. Even in Singapore I didn’t join any mothers groups (which was probably a mistake) and I don’t know many people where we’re living now, so most of the time it’s just me and the lads, doing stuff and I’m completely bored out of my brain.
I see gangs of mum’s hanging out together while their kids play, and others with family around helping out. I don’t have any of that and it’s really hard sometimes, but the hardest part of all for me is the mind numbingness of it all. I know I have to be active up top l’est I go mad, but maybe it’s already too late and I have gone mad?
I adore my boys and love nothing better than being inspired to play with them, but most of the time I’m just getting through. Right now I have to discipline Lex for being a turd to his grandma. Finally I have someone around for a few weeks and the boys want nothing to do with their English grandparents (yet,) constantly being horrible little shits – cool.
People keep telling me that it will get better, and it already has, but bloody hell, I don’t think anyone could have forewarned me about how tedious a lot of this time could be. And I’m not even talking about meal times, cleaning up toys and mess, boggy nappies, nap times, etc, etc, etc…
I know I’m a good mum but I honestly couldn’t say I enjoy it all the time.
Yours, without the bollocks
Andrea
3 thoughts on “Bloody kids… standing around”
I know exactly how you feel; being bored around your kids is not something that makes you feel like mother of the year.
Society tells us that motherhood is the most fulfilling and satisfying thing you will ever do and I think in a way teach children this to; as a result we all question ourselves and feel guilty or duped. I think my kids have felt duped.
I know when they were little their favourite place to be was next to me, everything was better if I was watching. It used to make me so sad to think that most of the time, my favourite place to be wasn’t next to them, watching them, doting on them.
I am tempted to now write ‘now don’t get me wrong, I love being with my kids…’ and that just reinforces my point about the guilt.
I don’t know if it gets easier, it just changes.
You laugh when at them when they are little, as they grow you laugh with them.
As a single mum I am not so isolated in my home anymore, I have my boys to talk to, and enjoy their wicked sense of humour.
They also keep themselves entertained, but I still have to intervene with the fighting and arguments.
Oh and the whining and nagging doesn't stop, they just get better at it, but it does make me think more, so really we all get better at it.
I am constantly researching new information on how to combat each new phase, I still feel guilty that I don’t always enjoy them as much as I should, and they are more apt at expressing how much I disappoint them.
I think the trick is to enjoy your own company, and make yourself happy.
My kids know when I’m not being honest, or being half hearted – It all comes out in the wash.
Loving your blog xxx
Amanda you are awesome! The guilt is definitely something I find hard to deal with thus I figure I may as well write about it, because most of us mums never talk about it and we should! I certainly don't know how you've done it brave girl xxxxxx
I totally get how you feel Andrea. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that guilt is something that comes with the territory of being a mum, it is what makes you a good mum (which is what you are Andrea!). I have always told my two that if I wanted to be and entertainer I would be a clown in a circus but I am just their mum and they must entertain themselves with the toys that they have and their own imaginations. What I find hard is that here in Singapore there is such pressure on parents to take their kids places i.e. Sentosa, the movies, the Bedok Adventure etc etc and my kids are constantly coming home saying "why don't we do anything at the weekend, such and such always goes to Universal Studios, or the luge …, its not fair, I'm bored" – this drives me nuts. BTW the standing around gets better as they get older. I am now a babysitter for non existing kids – they need you to be home or somewhere nearby but they don't need/want you near them as you just cramp their style. Your blog is a great way to see what your life is like now a days, keep it up. Donna xxxx