Andrea Edwards

So American Idol got off to a great start last night, with Steve Tyler and JLo new to the judging team. I have always been a secret admirer of JLo and Steve Tyler is a rocker from way back who definitely adds a great dimension to the panel. Randy – well who couldn’t like him? I just love his chuckle when the singing is shit, but don’t ask for his opinion first. He definitely prefers to follow. My only disappointment is Cara – where did she go? She was really hitting her stride on the show… As a general rule, I ain’t a reality TV person. It all feels a bit like feeding the Christians to the lions for me – a bit too voyeuristic as one watches other’s make a fool of themselves. It’s easy to make judgements of people on reality TV from the comfort of your own armchair, but no one ever knows what it would be like to be on TV in that situation with cameras all around, nor do many of us appreciate the power of editing, and the editing is done to create the best TV after all. But AI is different for me. It’s a singing competition and a talent show, and I love watching the people grow with the show – in confidence, talent and skill. It shows how someone with something raw can build into something great. Alternatively, it can show someone raw who just doesn’t have what it takes to become great. There’s been a host of fantastic singers in the early days who haven’t made the cut, and it’s always fascinating to observe how some can listen and learn, while others just don’t get it at all. For some reason, they are incapable of “hearing” what the judges say. We can all see it but they can’t. It’s a curious thing that. The early weeks of AI are always the funniest and the most emotional. The heart rending stories blow me away every time and, of course, you have the people who do the ridiculous. Last night wasn’t too bad, except for the Latino girl with silver stars on her tits – and it was so unnecessary because she can obviously sing. Let’s hope she takes the judges feedback and focuses on what she has to offer vocally, as opposed to her physical assets that just make her look an idiot. The Japanese “Michael Jackson” dude was a curious fellow too huh? Steve remains convinced that the truly bad performers are staged. I’m not. I think they are genuine, because there is this weird aspect to American culture where people really are convinced that they are talented. It’s a country where people believe they can be anything they want to be – which is a wonderful thing. It’s this quality in American culture that makes AI even more powerful than the other Idols around the world. There’s nothing quite like Americans self belief I’ve got to say, and I love them for that, although sometimes it’s a bit much. Every year the dorks come out to play. They have unbearably shocking voices, and all through their life, their dorky family (also featured) tell this person they are amazing. In fact, for many, everyone in their life tells them they are amazing. However when the judges tell them that singing is not their thing and that are definitely not amazing – they are truly shocked and upset. It makes for great TV and thank you America for encouraging your youth to be all they can be, even if it is misguided sometimes. It’s better than cultures telling people what they can’t be. Anyways, I just love this show and I get excited knowing tonight is an AI night. Steve does too. I’m just hoping Adam Lambert does a gig on the show as he’s an Idol competitor that rocked my world. Also Crystal Bowersox and Melinda Doolittle – three of my all time favourites, but my favourites never win… Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

Advertising outside of your home country is always intriguing, but Asia pretty much takes the cake on entertainment value for me. Forget the adverts filmed in a different language and then translated into English, resulting in the words stopping but the mouth still flapping… that’s always a giggle. It is what is being advertised and how it is being advertised that I find intriguing, because the trigger points to make me buy something are obviously very different to the trigger points within other cultures/countries. Now Asians are into skin whitening products. It was very confusing when I first landed in Singapore because I would buy some body moisturiser, for example, and my legs would come up blindingly white – not pretty. I then realised I was shopping in the body whitening products section – something I’d never come across before in my life. Confused by this, I asked my Asian mates what the hell all of the whitening products were about, and they said, in Asia, the whiter you are the richer you appear. This goes back to the days when poor people who worked the fields could be identified by their tans. So the tradition still exists and most women will do anything to avoid a tan – especially the older generation. It’s a shame though, because people who CAN tan look so much more beautiful with colour in their skin, than they do plastered with whitening products… but that’s just my opinion. Apparently I look red when I tan, according to my Indian friends, which was quite disconcerting to hear. After a holiday somewhere many moons ago, I came back to work feeling all good having colour in my skin when one of my Indian colleagues said why are you so red? What? Red? This is me with a tan. Perception is a funny old thing. Anyway, anyway, anyway, getting back to the point of this blog, I have a new favourite ad. And it’s Rexona’s new advert for a deodorant that leaves you smelling nice AND gives you white armpits within two weeks. Crikey! Rexona, one of Australia’s illustrious deodorant brands, of whom I would be a “fan” if I bothered to check if they had a Facebook page, has come to Singapore. Hooray. Unfortunately they do not stock “Classic Silk” – my preferred deodorant of choice and one I have been lugging around the planet every time I’ve lived in another country – I bought 12 cans before moving back to Singapore. Hey, when you come from a sweaty country like Australia, and you’re genetic ancestry comes from a cooler part of the world, you’ve got to agree that Australia does do deodorant better than anyone else? We have to – Caucasian Australians are sweaty bastards after all. So Rexona is here but it’s different. Bummer. However Rexona in Asia is clever because they are localising – the corner stone of success for any brand seeking global dominance – and this is what has caught my imagination. Picture this. Two women, car broken down, they’re waving for attention at the side of the ride, no one is stopping, they rip their sleeves off and get sexy, one of them does not use the Rexona brand being advertised and therefore, has no success getting attention. The other one does, and as a result, has shining white armpits, and is immediately swamped with sexy male helpers, the car is fixed and they are on their way. Personally, I have never given too much thought to the appearance of underarms. I appreciate that in the advertising world one’s armpits must look “clean,” and we all remember the steroid pumping Eastern European women at the Olympics of yesteryear for their hairy pits. However other than a “strict no hair/no smell” rule for myself, and a fervent wish that all women around me follow the same rule or kept hair hidden from view, that’s about it. But now my eyes have been opened and gleaming white pits are the vogue – at least around these parts. I have to say though, and I am sorry, but it feels a tad ridiculous to me because while I have come to understand and appreciate why Asian and darker skinned women want to look whiter, I can never agree that I think it is a great thing. Heck, in Africa, some of the women using whitening products are breaking out in skin cancers all over their body because of the toxins in this stuff. Do we really also want to be spraying this stuff into our sweat glands? And while it is certainly not going to be of the toxic grade being used in Africa, spraying any level of beach into a part of the body that absorbs everything into the bloodstream surely can’t be good? I mean the scientific evidence is already damning enough for deodorant – but I will continue using it anyway – but bleach? I long for a world where women, in particular, can feel beautiful in the skin they are in and celebrate the body shape they get. We are all constantly bombarded with images of what a perfect woman should be, and so we forget that we are perfect just the way we are, because it is the way we are. Why do we keep fighting for the impossible? Why do we accept the advertising bollocks? But more than that, I believe women are being programmed to waste precious head space on bullshit when there is so much more we can be doing with our time. Yours, without the bollocksA red Andrea PS: I do not claim to be any better about this stuff than any other woman on the planet and it shits me that I get caught up in it too

I’m obviously not writing this as a promo for Facebook (because they don’t need it) but as a promo for my needs in keeping the communication channels flowing. I’ve noticed that a lot of people are waxing and waning on Facebook now – the thrill is over huh? – and I just want to say COME BACK! In the good old days before social networking, many people didn’t stay in touch or if they did, they’d write email “letters” that I just never had time to respond to, especially since the boys have come along. Between family and wife obligations + my work, any extracurricular activities, like staying in touch with friends old and new, is part of life’s juggling act and I have been getting shoddier and shoddier at it. I do consider myself good at keeping in touch, but I have to say that it is getting much harder. And that’s where Facebook has been such a boon for me. Someone recently said you like Facebook huh? You’re pretty active on it. And the reason is I get to be a voyeur into my friend’s lives. I know what they’re doing, who they’re doing it with, how they’re feeling, and their opinions on certain events going on around them. I know who’s having babies, getting engaged or married, and even who’s getting the odd shag.It’s awesome because I can know all of this and feel connected to people who have touched my life, BUT I don’t need to spend hours and hours doing it – just a scan of my Facebook page here and there is all that’s required. I’ve found old school friends I lost touch with, old Uni buddies and even a couple of fellow Army Musicians I did my time with. It’s been very cool checking in on people from across all spectrums of my life and I’m certainly not bored with Facebook. Hey I’ve known for a long time that I’m a voyeur at heart, so it really appeals to me as a communication mechanism. So for those getting apathetic with Facebook, pick yourself up, slap yourself around the chops, appreciate it for what it is and get back online. I love knowing what’s going on in your life – good or bad – it’s a way of feeling close when we often live many many miles away from each other. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea PS: for those reading my blog and not on Facebook – e.g. Andy Noble – sort yourself out!!

I speak quickly. But worse than that, I’m also a bit of a mumbler – AND I’m not talking underpants mumbling for those with filthy minds. Anyone who has received a voicemail from me could probably testify to this… With that said, I think I’ve gotten better over the years, but the reality is, not much has changed. So imagine my communication attempts with someone speaking English as a second language or sometimes worse, people who speak English as a first language but pronounce their vowels in a completely different way? Welcome to Singapore. The vowels that seem to be an issue are i and e. For example, the infamous example in Singapore is Ikea. I pronounce it eye-key-a whereas a Singaporean would pronounce it ick-ia. My name always confuses due to the r and e in it, but my favourite of all time is baby powder. One day, while trying to buy baby powder for my husband and seeing it nowhere, I asked an old auntie if she could help. There were a lot of grunts of non-understanding, so I resorted to writing it down at the back of the book I was reading. Ahhhhh baby powderrrrrrrr with an emphasis on the O. I think my version of baby powda was just damn confusing for the old dear. Last time we lived here, Steve thought it was hilarious watching me communicate with just about anyone – face to face or on the phone I didn’t do too well. I tried really hard though and almost always kept my cool, I just can’t for the life of me work out how to pronounce something in a way that is understandable. Most questions/comments were met with a blank stare, but my favourite is what we termed the “Singapore Wave.” The “Singapore Wave” is when you ask someone for directions, they obviously have no idea what you’ve asked but rather than admit it (and lose face), they wave off in a direction, with a blank look on their face and a half smile, assuring you that this is the direction that must be taken. Many a time we have headed off in the direction (because what were we to do?) only to ask someone else and get the same response – usually pointing us back the way we came. We’ve walked around in circles a lot I can tell you. The funniest thing is watching other foreigners react. I learnt a long long time ago, when backpacking in China in 1995, that the worst thing you can do is get upset or angry. If you do I can promise you one thing – you will get absolutely fuck all help. I’d love to be able to teach foreigners reacting badly that this is a sure way to get nothing, but I suppose they need to learn the lesson themselves, and if they don’t learn it, they’re going to have a shithouse time here. Anyway, how could I get upset with anyone for not understanding me when so often my husband doesn’t even understand me? Well he claims not to, maybe he’s just bloody smart and as many men, only listens when it’s worthwhile? Off to the shops now. I wonder how many “Singapore Waves” I get today! Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’d have to say that 2009 and 2010 has been a pretty interesting time in our life. There’s been some fantastic moments, but there has also been a lot of “bad” things. The great thing about “bad” things is they teach you great things, and that means life gets better – unless you’re silly and miss the lessons, keeping alive the old shite you don’t want in your life. But we haven’t done that. We’ve continually assessed, reassessed and assessed again, always asking the only important question – what do we need to do/change to be happy? Noosa wasn’t a particularly happy time for us. Steve HATED the work he was doing with a passion and the demands of the job – including regular 2-5am get ups to go to work – YUK! In the meantime, I found it hard getting ahead with my stuff because of Steve’s job demands but there were good bits in there, like ghost writing Peter Hoddle’s book (a brilliant experience) and other writing projects. I suppose there was just too much tedium in the mix to make either of us smile. There were others things, but the work aspect was pretty key for both of us. The boys were pretty happy, but they’d be happy just about anywhere, although Lex definitely had a time of it – both a bully of a teacher and then his operation. Jax cruised through as always, but you’ll be pleased to note, he has officially entered the turd phase of growing up…. We promise you Jax we respect your independence, so no need to fight us love. Kids right? We’ve learnt some lessons, and in summary they are: Sometimes you just have to back yourself, no matter the risk We’re willing to make changes, no matter how exhausting it can be, until we reach our goal of everyone being content with their lot There are always great, strong people around who are willing to sacrifice it all to do the right thing, so thanks Amanda for raising the red flag on child abuse. We really appreciate what you did and all that you lost. You’ll always be able to hold your head up high and will have our eternal gratitude Diversity is really important to us and we want it around us all the time. We also want our boys to think that different faces/ways of thinking about things/religions, etc… is normal Settling down doesn’t appeal to us at all, so the “dream” isn’t something we want or something we are striving towards – we don’t know if we ever will. We don’t think badly of anyone who does want this, we just don’t Full time Mummy isn’t my bag Living with one focus – to be happy – is all that matters to us Believing in your kids is the most important thing of all and not letting anyone make you doubt yourself – it can certainly be hard but you’ve got to stay strong Creating a life that gives all of you time together as well as time to achieve your dreams is important to us “stuff” doesn’t matter Loyalty and doing as you say you will, is something we value highly We appreciate all of the great people we’ve met along the way, will continue to invest in those great friendships and look forward to meeting more amazing people in the future Sometimes friendships/relationships wane, but that’s OK. We’re all on different paths and while sometimes you mourn those no longer in synch with you, I like to celebrate the great years that were had and who knows, one day the vibe might come back We’re willing to keep moving and shaking things up to keep experiencing the true joy that life offers – life experience What’s more motivating than working for yourself? So there you go. I know there are lots more, but it’s a start.   I turned 41 today and I’ve got to say, I don’t like it. I know, I know, age is a state of mind and all that, but 41 used to be really old when I was younger, and now here I am. All I can do is be determined to make this my happiest, healthiest and most successful decade. I’m also working really hard at being more peaceful and serene – not easy for someone like me.   Thanks for all of the support reading my blog. I’ve been a bit busy of late, so not much activity, but I’ve got a whole host of new material since coming back to Singapore, and I look forward to sharing the yarns, the laughs and the memories.   Much love to all and here’s hoping 2011 is a time of joy, success and balance for all.   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea  

So its official, we’re heading back to live in Singapore and this time, the plan is to stay ‘til the boys get through primary school at least. Who knows, we might head elsewhere as both of us would love to experience living in India, but not until the boys understand that they can’t drink water out of a tap. That’s when we’ll seek out that opportunity. Making the decision to move back to Singers wasn’t the easiest decision to make on some levels, but the reality is, both Steve and I have big personal/professional ambitions that we both need to achieve to be happy. The other thing is we want time for each other and the boys, and to achieve all of this, the one thing we need is time, and Singapore is the only place where we can really get that. Not that we’ll be sitting on our arses drinking cosmos, we’ll be working our arses off, but we’ll have time to do that and the other things we want to do. Vick, our helper from before, is hopefully coming back to work for us, and that means all cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, baby sitting, etc… is covered – I personally can’t wait. Vick is an awesome person and we miss having her in our lives. She’s also amazing with the boys, so we know they’ll be in safe hands when we can’t be around. For the last 18 months we have not had anyone take the boys off us (except for an hour here or there), and then when we entrusted them to a local pre-school, Lex got abused by his teacher! Thus having a break from each other from time to time will be good for all of us. The reality is we just want to be able to work and be together – all of the other necessary life stuff is going to be outsourced. During this time in Australia, I’ve found the jobs of running a house, taking care of the boys, working, taking care of my husband, achieving all of my goals…. it’s impossible. Naturally, as most women will appreciate, the things that are not getting done are the things I want and need to do. I have personally decided that this is not a healthy position for me when I am champing at the bit to build a successful business and get my books published. Now I appreciate that some people reading this may think lazy cow! Or isn’t that how most of the world does it? And I agree with them that this is indeed how most of the world does it, but I don’t agree that I’m a lazy cow. I’ve just identified that some things make me happy and some things make me blah and some things make me really unhappy. For example, I never ever dreamed of being a “housewife,” so any duties in relation to that role make me really unhappy. There’s nothing wrong with being a housewife it’s just not something I ever wanted to do. Cooking is a bit of blah, but sometimes it makes me happy. Washing = unhappy. Shopping = extremely unhappy. Being alone all the time = unhappy. Working on the things I want to work on = happy, writing, anything really = happy. So that’s the focus moving forward. Make it possible for more of the happy boxes to be ticked, less ticks in the unhappy boxes and life will be good! The only reason why this decision hasn’t been easy is because we DID want to come to Australia to find our feet for a few years to get the boys through school. I definitely realise we made the “wrong” decision coming to Noosa, a where we knew no one, but as I don’t believe there are any wrong decisions only learning experiences, I think we came here to realise that we’re not meant to be in Australia and “settled,” yet. We both miss the diversity of Asia. We want our kids to know people of all races, religions and backgrounds as a normal part of their life. We want to be able to shower each other with love and attention because that makes us happy and when we’re shagged at the end of the day with no energy for the small things, well we just don’t like that. We want great friends and people in our lives who come from vastly different places and experiences. We want to laugh a lot and don’t believe that life should be a grind. It’s definitely been a grind here. So there you go, the decision is made. I can’t wait to reconnect with old friends, get SAJE cranking, and go out with Steve on a date – we’ve had one date in the last 18 months…. that’s not good. BTW I can recommend to anyone with young children, who still has a lot of personal ambition and isn’t enamoured with doing the whole stay at home/take care of kids/support husband/etc.. life, that living in a country where you can employ a full time live in housekeeper, nanny, etc… is a very good thing to do for your intellectual satisfaction. That is essentially why we have made this decision. My brain needs it. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

This is very cool and also beautifully optimistic – thanks Siobhan! http://www.flixxy.com/200-countries-200-years-4-minutes.htm  Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I’ve been a bit quietly lately as I decided to take on the job of designing the www.sajeideas.com Website. I checked around the area for some Web designers but the good ones were all flat out and as I’m not the most patient person on the planet, I decided screw it – how hard can it be? Well I reckon it is hard – bloody hard! Even when you use a template it’s bloody hard, because it tells you what to do and where something can go, and if you want to put a picture there, well screw you, because you can’t – unless you know how to decode the HTML, which I most certainly do not. Then you’ve got the whole font variations, how the content will look best within the design, and the appropriate size of the font – you don’t want it to look like a dogs breakfast after all! But wait, the fun continues – it won’t let you upload the logo where you want to upload it, finding and uploading pictures is a pain in the arse (the photo sites have a lot of naff content), and then you’ve got to link it all together and make it look pretty???!!! I don’t know what kind of a job I did but I’m sure many will be honest in their feedback. It’s OK for now as it’s designed to get the message out, but shite, after the time I’ve spent on this, I really should have outsourced the job. I certainly won’t be doing it again, because now I truly do appreciate what it takes. Therefore I’m officially looking for a good Web design partner. Any recommendations? Anyway, I’ve got better things to do – like writing witty blog content and soon, being the MD of SAJE. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea

I asked my Grandmother a couple of questions recently, as she is officially the oldest person I know. My Grandmother is amazing. She is definitely suffering some pretty intense physical issues that make life pretty uncomfortable, but she’s still going and bright as a button. In fact, Grandma checked herself into a nursing home three months ago – before that she lived in her own house. I reckon that’s amazing. I wrote a blog about her 100 year old birthday last March, which was a pretty interesting experience, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she lives well beyond 101. I certainly admire her strength of character. Anyways, I wanted to ask her thoughts on the meaning of life, because someone who lives that long has got to have an idea right? The great thing is that she did have some thoughts on these questions. If you ask a lot of “older” people they just don’t think about this stuff, so I was thrilled that she had and thought it was definitely worth sharing. So here is Grandma Totties’ life advice for anyone who is interested. Q1. What do you think is the meaning of life?The meaning of life is to keep God in your life because sooner or later we will all have to give an account of our life when we meet God face to face. Q2. What have you learnt in your hundred + years? To treat people as you would like them to treat you To help the underprivileged – e.g. Totties’ chooks in Mannya that I sponsored and the worming program for the village children, both in Uganda. I have done this sort of thing all through my life To keep up with your religion – please don’t think that I am telling you what to do Save some money for a rainy day so you won’t have to depend on other people in your old age Q3. If you could give your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren any advice on life what would you say? Live a good life, don’t take drugs, smoke or abuse alcohol and then you can die with no regrets Always pay your way and don’t rely on credit cards – I have always paid cash for what I want Keep God in your life and remember what you were taught as a child, the world might change but God doesn’t So there you go. I think “God” has certainly taken on a new meaning for me, but some pretty good, basic advice from someone born in 1910. Thanks Grandma! May the rest of your life be happy and comfortable.   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea  

Many years ago, I was travelling through Central America, I came across the weirdest thing – a person with the ability to pulse their eyeballs. It happened in Mexico. I was out adventuring and along came this youngish Mexican lad who decided I was pretty hot. He offered me lots of wild sex and all the while, his eye balls were pulsing as he looked at me. He even took me to show me where we could enjoy such lewd activities in his single room hut – a bachelor pad he proudly informed me. Mum, Dad, Grandma and the rest of the extended family were about two metres away in the next hut. Naturally I declined the offer, but thanked him for the attention and went on my way. Since then I’ve tried unsuccessfully to pulse my eye balls and haven’t met anyone else capable of doing it – although Steve does have a capacity for limited eyeball pulsing when he looks at me with real love in his eyes. It’s a lovely thing. So imagine my surprise this week when Jax, my two and three quarters year old, starting pulsing his eye balls at me!! He’s really getting into it too. Every time you change him, cuddle him or look at him, the little man will look back at you and off go those eyes again. It is truly hilarious and he just bloody loves doing it. Jax is a very funny little person. He’s constantly practicing new faces to pull, always discovering new tricks with his eyes, and cracking Benny Hill type gags. He’s the member of the family that always finds the light when things are getting a bit serious, and we’re constantly cracking up over his antics. It makes it terribly difficult to get angry with him though, and that is a bit of a problem, because he has this great ability to divert attention away from any naughtiness. We want to appear fair after all. We love Jaxie and if he turns out to be a stand up comedian one day, we certainly won’t be surprised. His big brother can be a bit intense, so it’s lovely having some balance with a son one who is cruising through life with a cheeky smile most of the time. Don’t get me wrong, he can be a turd too, but on the whole, he’s terrific. Yours, without the bollocksAndrea