August 2015

Yep. Why you ask? So we can meet the Hobby Kids of course! Like duh! Don’t know who they are? Well let me enlighten you.  It’s a family that does: “Fun kid friendly videos on YOUTUBE! We feature popular brands like: Play-Doh, Toys, Legos. We create Stories, Play, Songs, Reviews, Box Openings. HobbyKidsjoin the fun in our videos which helps kids interact and enjoy learning while being entertained.” Steve despises them. Jax adores them. Lex couldn’t give a crap about them. And I find it all a bit bemusing. I’m not as gung-ho about what the kids watch as Steve is, because as long as it’s not violent, foul, cruel, about death or human dismemberment, I don’t really care. I also live in the content/influencer world professionally, and while these children and the Hobby Parents, Hobby Baby, Hobby Pa, etc… are all a bit annoying, it’s hasn’t been created for me. It’s for Jax. And he can’t get enough of them. From a business point of view, this family is onto a winner. They are probably making millions. However, if there is one problem I do have it is how YouTube stars focused on kids are influencing children all around the world to buy more shit toys than they need. But I can’t take this gripe out on the Hobby Family specifically, because there are hordes of people making YouTube videos about toys. Besides, I still believe it’s my responsibility to ensure my boys aren’t spoilt little shits. Not theirs. YouTube stars come from all walks of life these days, and the ones who get the ‘magic’ right and appeal to a targeted audience are a force to be reckoned with. They are also becoming a force brands are starting to appreciate and nurture. That’s why Disney bought Makers Studio. It’s a phenomenal opportunity for brands and people who want to be stars, even if it happens accidentally. Oh and in case you’re looking for someone to beat up, they now “own” Stampylongnose. Yeah another annoying voice that has infested our home… But the boys love him too! With that said, the BEST YouTube star we love and watch with the boys is Grant Thompson – “The King of Random.” Check it out if you don’t know him. Amazeballs. When I think about this stuff, I know this is where entertainment is moving today. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always classy, but most people aren’t doing any harm, and the successful ones are making a decent living at it. When I feel the resistance of people in my age bracket, I can’t help but think the entertainment world we grew up with is going away completely and we are all struggling to wrap our minds around this new model. It kind of feels a bit like the Elvis and Beatles of this generation – you know, that rock ’n ’roll thing will never catch on. We might be thinking the same of YouTube stars…. For me personally, I am pretty ambivalent about the whole thing, and sometimes, if it keeps Jax occupied for 5-10 minutes so I can have a shower in peace, that’s all I need. One thing for sure, if the Hobby Kids go on the road and do a global tour (something that is happening more and more with YouTube stars these days), I know one little guy that will be nagging me for tickets. I hope Steve agrees to take him. Yeah right. No chance. Just so I’m not alone here, let me share the bounty of the Hobby Kids. First up, Hobby Mom with a pretty impressive manicure But there’s some exercise encouragement in there too It’d make Jax’s day if we did this – seriously tempted, but I just can’t do it… not even to delight my mini love. You got the wrong mum in that regard love Suffice to say, my kids would be pulling the same funny faces if that was me speaking in front of a camera….   So now over to you. What shite are your children watching on YouTube today? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

When I hear that question, or that same question in regards to any other animal, bug, sea creature, or extinct animal – including all dinosaurs – mentioned by my little fella Lex, I know I must stop everything I’m doing and give him my full attention, because for as long as I am willing to be his audience, he’s going to teach me everything there is to know about ducks. Lex with a baby chicken in Vietnam I’m going to learn about: what they eat; how they have babies; the different breeds; the different habitats; whether or not they’re predators; and so much more. I have come to appreciate that my mind is going to be blown in these learning interludes and I love them. When Lex decided to start sharing his learnings consistently – which was only a few months back – there were many times when I asked if he was right. He always responded with ‘I think so’ and then we consulted trusty Cortana. One such question was about sharks. Do sharks have babies or lay eggs? I thought they had babies, he thought they laid eggs, on further search, it appeared we were both right. Who knew? Now I do. He then kept speaking about the Sonori Desert (always singing Sonori) and I’m like, are you sure it’s called Sonori mate? You’re not speaking about the Sahara Desert? Nope, always the Sonori. On further investigation, there is a desert in the US called the Sonora Desert. So Lex was right again in his own special way. I’d never heard of it, but looks like a fabulous place if you want to meet a rattle snake – he knows all about them too. Another recent fascination was the Gela Monster – a venomous lizard that lives in the Sanora desert of course. He kept saying Heela Monster and I am searching for it, with a h and not having much luck. Then a link suggestion comes up for Gela Monster. I know all about them now too. Jax was loving it too  To say I’m pretty chuffed with my Lexy is an understatement. This is the lad who’s had a hard time catching up with his speech and getting ahead at school. I’ve always said he needed time and love, because he’s smart as hell, so when I hear him speak now, shite, I get blown away. Enunciation is still an issue, so I’m thinking acting or singing could be the answer? I don’t know. We’re on the final hurdle it feels, but it’s been a long haul let me tell you. Another bonus is it might get Jax to stop watching crappy toy videos. Last week Jax declares: “Lex is really smart mum.” Well of course that got a lot of: so are you mate, you’re super smart, etc, etc, etc… But then I sat down with Jax and said, you know why Lex knows all these things? Because when he’s on YouTube he’s watching Discovery Channel or National Geographic learningabout them. You’re watching videos of spoilt kids getting too many toys. Maybe if you watch things that teach you something you can share your knowledge with us too? This morning, I took Jax to his swim lesson at school and Lex came along for the ride. All the way there, both boys were competing for my attention to share their latest creature learnings. We covered lemmings, barnacles, sea snakes, star fish, slugs, leeches, and so much more. It was awesome. Now they need to learn to give each other a turn when speaking, but we’ll leave that for another day. When you’ve been waiting to see a passion revealed in your child, it’s really awesome when that day comes, don’t you agree? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

It has begun. The sex talks. Crikey, how does one prepare themselves for this? So I’m bathing the boys last night and Lex asks me: “Mum what are my balls for?” Jax thinks this is a pretty good question and perks up considerably… Firstly, I don’t know when balls entered their vocabulary, but it has, and secondly, my word you have to draw a big breath when that question is asked don’t you? “Well boys, when you’re a little bit older and a very big boy, you’ll have tiny tiny tadpoles in your balls.” “What’s a tadpole?” Jax asks. “You know, like baby frogs are tadpoles, you’ll also have tadpoles in your balls. But they’ll be tiny and you won’t be able to see them.” “What are they for mum?” “Well the tadpoles go into the egg, which is in the ladies tummy, and that is how babies are made.” Oh crap, that was useless! But the boys didn’t think so. They thought it was awesome. Lex immediately allocated sexes to his balls – girl babies in this one, boy babies in that one – and then of course, the next question was asked. “But mum, how do my tadpoles get to the egg to make a baby. Does it go in the ladies mouth?” Considering some of the nature documentaries they watch, this is not a bad observation, but obviously, it’s not correct. So I try and explain the process a little more… “Well you see your doodle gets hard, and the tadpoles come out. You put your doodle in the ladies muey and the tadpoles travel to the egg and that is how a baby is made.” This answer wasn’t providing enough clarity. They couldn’t put this concept together. Which is completely natural, because the structure of the muey remains alien to them for now… So I finished with this very fine statement, wishing that Steve could come home right now to help me in this discussion: “listen guys, there is one thing I can promise you. When the time comes, you’re going to enjoy it a lot OK.” “Oh look guys, something shiny.” There endeth the lesson and I know it won’t be my last sex talk. So many things I should’ve said differently. Why did I say tadpoles and not sperm? But tadpole makes more sense right? AHHHHHHH the only thing I care about is they grow up comfortable with sex. I don’t want it to be weird. Fascinating sure, but not weird. I got enough of that shit in my upbringing. So I’ve had my first rehearsal, but may my skit improve. Any advice for those with more experience than I? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea PS: in a few years, my boys will be entering into the deep, dark world of puberty. At that point, I will completely respect their privacy and never, ever blog about private discussions. Right now, they’re working the world out, and I think it’s pretty cool. My ability to share these stories will not last forever, so for now, I’ll enjoy it.