February 2013

Hi, my name’s Andrea and I’m obsessed with sleep and tiredness. I’m obsessed with getting enough of it and not getting enough of it, and I spend a LOT of time thinking about being tired. I know exactly when this started – it was 1985, I was 15 years old and my parent’s decided it was a good time to start going through a very messy divorce. That resulted in my first bout of insomnia – which was hardly surprising considering I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders back then. Insomnia has kicked my arse a few times since (usually lasting 2-3 months at a time), but the worst was after Jax was born. I couldn’t believe I was being cursed with insomnia after having a baby! I’d go to bed, with Jax all nestled up in the crib next to me, and then I’d toss and turn all night, finally getting to sleep somewhere between 4-5am, only to be woken at 6am by a little man requiring a feed. It was a brutal time and as I’d been diagnosed with pre-natal depression, it made sense that it was now post-natal depression, as insomnia is an indication of this. I haven’t talked about this a lot to date, but that’s because I’ve just been trying to work my way out of it and it’s not an easy thing to do. Anyway, I have identified this as a significant and often crippling thought habit that I need to eradicate. I watch Steve, who often gets the same amount of sleep, but most of the time, he’s able to just get up and embrace his day. He doesn’t think about it. Yes he didn’t get enough sleep, yes he’s feeling a bit weary, but he gets on with it and doesn’t obsess over it like I do. He often finds my way of dealing with it quite perplexing, as he learnt at a young age it was his mind that was in control, and so he chose to think positively about sleep. I never learnt that lesson and so I wake up thinking about sleep, with the first thought usually wrapped around how bad my sleep was or how tired I’m going to be today. It sets the tone for the whole day… and obviously that’s not a good tone. The thing is, this thought habit does not diminish my ability to work or play, and I still work harder and live fuller than most people do. That’s not the issue because it doesn’t impact my productivity. What it does impact is my joy. Because I spend so much time thinking about it, those times in between living and working are typically wrapped up in thoughts about sleeping and exhaustion. It really messes with my mind! So how do I eradicate it, especially as I still have two little fellas disturbing my sleep? Well apparently I’ve got to get my thinking sorted out. I’ve asked many people about this and those I’d consider specialists have told me to just stop thinking about it and replace the thoughts with something positive. Easy, right? Not at all! When you are feeling exhausted down to your very bones, it is very very challenging to say to yourself “I feel awesome, let’s rock this day.” The reality is, when you try to do that with yourself, you just want to reply with a “fuck off you bloody idiot, it’s all bullshit because I am tired.” Since the age of 15 I’ve read many books about sleep and obviously I do everything I can to ensure a good night’s sleep – although I’m not perfect. I don’t drink coffee after mid-day, because it’s not a good idea for me. I try to avoid all additives and preservatives that can affect my ability to sleep. I try to get to bed at a reasonable time. I try to ensure the ambience in the room is right for good sleep, such as a dark room, no flashing lights, etc… I try to exercise to ensure I’m tired enough.  And there are many other things I do. With that said, across the board, I could do much better – like taking all electrical appliances out of my room, including the Wi-Fi connection, electric clock, etc… and not eating any chocolate after 8pm would be a good idea too. There is definitely improvements to be made, and I will get there, but in the meantime I have something far more important to achieve. I need to stop thinking about it. I need to replace tired thinking with energized thinking. I need to be excited by my life every day because then I won’t feel tired because I’m too busy being excited by what I’m doing that day. I need to be super busy. I need to remember that lack of sleep isn’t going to kill me, but thinking about it and stewing over it probably will. I just need to get rid of this obsession because I waste too many valuable thoughts on it when I could be applying those thoughts in a much more positive direction. I’m tired, so what. Keep going. I also don’t want to be a tired parent for my boys, influencing them to be like that in their lives. If they only ever hear “I’m tired” from their Mum – the chances are they will be too. I would be very sad if that was the legacy I left them. I want them to be excited and passionate every day of their lives, but to help them achieve that, I need to embody it. So that is my main goal this month – re-programming my mind and seeing if I really can change this life-time mind-set to change my reality. The power of the mind is amazing – and we still know so little about it – so I’ve decided it’s time to see if I can really make a big difference

Doing a crusade like FIE forces you to reflect across all aspects of your life, helping you to really see what needs to change to ensure you’re better and healthier in every way. The significant thing I know that doesn’t serve me, are the habitual thoughts I entertain, which are either negative or limiting for me in some way. I personally believe you can’t just change your actions to change your life, because it is the unhelpful thought-habits we develop over a lifetime that are the biggest culprit of living a life half-lived. So I’m spending a lot of time “inside,” making sure I identify what those habits are, and then I’m acting to change them (or re-programming my mind to more positive thoughts) to ensure the changes I want to make can be permanent. I see this as vital to my success. It’s not an easy thing to do – being honest with yourself to identify the thought patterns that no longer serve you. Limiting thoughts develop over many years, so shaking them off and embracing new patterns can be extremely difficult, as it’s too easy to fall back on the old. But I knew this wouldn’t be easy and I’m OK with that. Challenging myself is something I’ve always been very happy to do, and a lot of new things came up for me this last month, with a few real stand-outs. So February is the month I’m choosing to tackle them. The things I plan to change… Actions Wheat free with two cheat days – I’m going to stick with wheat free because I think the discipline of it, more than anything else, is good for me. I am forcing myself to make eating choices, rather than just grabbing the easiest thing available – which in my case, is always wheat. I’m convinced wheat free is better for me, so will keep it going with two cheat days in the mix – allowing myself to eat wheat. This will also help Steve stick to it, as he certainly finds it harder than me Swimming 3KM a Week – I’d love to swim 1KM every day, but it’s not realistic right now, and it’s something to work towards. I typically swim 1KM every time I do laps, so this month I will swim at least three times a week to achieve that goal. Of course, I need to be careful because if I push myself too hard in the pool, I will aggravate my rotator cuff injuries – something I don’t want to do. Doing laps with flippers on seems to take the pressure off my shoulders, so that should help ensure I’m not aggravating old injuries But my main Action focus this month is liquid Firstly I’m going to drink three litres of water a day. I’m pretty good on water anyway – ‘cos you’ve just got to be in the tropics – but I’m not drinking three litres. I know this won’t be easy, but I’m going to do it. Here is one article on water and another – neither are 100% convincing on the argument, but I plan to give it a go anyway – although I’m definitely not looking forward to the constant need to pee – ugh! It’s been a long day already I’m also going to drink two cups of green tea a day – an antioxidant and something my friends rave about. The feedback on its benefits are consistent, so why the hell not. Again, here are two articles on the benefits of green tea here and here, but once again, the research is not conclusive I also started today off with a hot cup of water with lemon and fresh ginger in it – something I want to include in my life as the first thing that enters my body every day. Some friends swear by it and apparently it’s a terrific antioxidant too – so that has begun as well Thoughts Gratitude – I’m going to spend the month reflecting on all that I am grateful for, so bear with me on gratefulness blogs. Many many people, far wiser than I, suggest that if you can truly be grateful for your life, no matter what situation you are in, you have a much greater chance of being really contented with your lot. So I am focused on being grateful this month and hopefully beyond Sleep and tiredness – I am obsessed with sleep – getting enough of it, not getting enough of it – and I spend a LOT of time thinking about being tired. I know exactly when this started and why, but I need to see if I can harness the power of my mind and completely change my thinking about it. I know I wake up and the first thing I think of is how bad my sleep was or how tired I’m going to be today. It definitely sets the tone for the whole day. I am going to work hard at eradicating that thinking – something I see as my greatest challenge this month There you go, my “Fuck it, Enough” plan of attack for February – a shorter month, but some things to focus on, as well as retaining the habits I developed last month. Anyone else setting themselves any action or thought goals this coming month? Please share share share!! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea