Andrea Edwards

We got a new puppy. His name is Freddy and he’s a golden retriever. Freddy is the sweetest little thing, and it’s been an interesting adjustment getting used to him in our family.    His first week – pretty cute right? Overall, he’s pretty easy going, but the highlights include slipping over in his piss several times, or walking into a dark room only to feel soft turd squishing between my toes. Ugh, so revolting.   We seem to be getting close to the end of that phase now…. I hope so.   Anyhoo, I always had dogs growing up in Australia, but it wasn’t a community affair. We all lived in houses and you took your dog for a walk, barely seeing another human or dog in the process. However, when it comes to dogs in Singapore, it’s all about community.   Most people tend to live in apartments here, and outside our gaff there is a huge grass area and the dogs and dog-parents in our strip of condos meet there for play, morning and evening, every single day. Before Freddy, we had interacted with the doggy community, but without a beloved fur-pet of our own, we were definitely not part of the clan.   Oh how that’s changed.   We are now in the club and for the first time in a long time, I recall what it’s like being pregnant or after just giving birth. Once again, I have opened myself up to the advice of strangers.   “Has he had his immunizations? He seems to be a little young to be out here?”   Me: he’s fine, otherwise I wouldn’t bring him here.   “Is he eating OK? He seems a little thin?”   Oh yes, he eats like a horse and it feels like he’s doubled in size and weight since we brought him home.   The evening community starts to gather “You have to be aware of ticks in Singapore.”   Yes, I’m aware.   “I’ll give you my veterinarian’s name. He’s the best in Singapore.”   Oh we’ve had a vet here for four years now and we love them. No problem.   On it goes. Unsolicited advice. From concern in our family’s inability to adjust, to advice on the true responsibility of owning a dog – yes dogs aren’t just for Christmas I want to say. But I don’t. I smile, say thank you, look super interested, run away if I see certain people coming my way, smile some more, and slowly accept that being welcomed into a clan comes with strings attached.   Everyone is well meaning, of course, and I love the communal passion for the animals in our care. But please, I’ve raised two boys, we’ve only had one broken bone, they’re strong, healthy, confident and mostly kind to others, they understand that respect is important – for themselves and others – and well, does it get any harder than raising humans?   A final Freddy smile I don’t think it does. Freddy is a breeze by comparison and he’s a welcome, happy addition to our family. I have to say it’s lovely coming home to the happiest little dude in the world every day, especially as my boys have started to move into the phase of complete ambivalence towards their parents….   So we’re doing alright thanks and I promise, this is going to be one loved-up and spoilt little dog, integrated into every single aspect of our lives, as a fur baby should be.    It isamazing to re-enter the world of unsolicited advice though. It all comes from the right place. Always important to remember that.   Anyone else relate?   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea     BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

A friend recently asked me if I’ve enjoyed doing some professional video shoots. Here’s one I’ve done and another if you’re interested. As you’ll notice, it’s not exactly Without the Bollocks style but hey, it’s work…   The move to video is a critical part of what I’m doing, but more importantly, if I want to contribute to changing the world and making it a better place, I’ve recognized it’s a vehicle I’ve got to get good at. But having a camera shoved in your face and trying to remember to be smiley, charming and a little bit intelligent, well none of it is coming easily to me – yet…   So the answer to my friend’s question was simple. I’m not enjoying it, in fact, the whole experience was very much how it felt like giving birth! Giving birth? Well yes, because when you check yourself into hospital – after all hell breaks loose in your body – only one thing is going to happen. That baby is coming out. Whether through your snatch or your stomach, it’s coming, and there ain’t anything you can do about it. You are not even remotely in control of that situation. In the delivery room (in Singapore at least) when the time comes, you’re set up in bed, your feet put in stirrups, and then the worst thing that can ever happen, happens. All of you is exposed to the world, and you do this in front of a crowd. As if I was ever going to enjoy that part. I know some women enjoy this experience, but not all of us do. I’m certainly not one of those who found birth beautiful. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. So how did I cope? I took myself to a far-off place, completely detaching myself from my body, and watched the whole scenario play-out from above. It was the only way I could deal with it, because I detested it. All I could do was push real hard and get it over with. And boy did I push real hard. Until that point, it was the only situation I had been in where I had absolutely no control over anything. And now I have done some videos. For the first one, I turned up and the entire crew was there. About eight people, including an adorable make-up artist, who put me in a chair and did things to my hair and face that I would never in a million years do. Then it was camera time. I had no decision on the angle, what they captured, where the cameras were, or anything. I was asked questions and answered them. We were also in a shared office space, so people were wandering through, checking out what was going on. The second time was probably harder. A smaller crew, but it was done in the middle of the office with a whole host of people working quietly at desks around me. Ahhhhhhh. So what can you do? Detach yourself from the reality, essentially get out of your body and watch it from afar. That’s it. You can’t do anything else. I will do more videos. I have to. But I’m now a little wiser and will see if I can have a little more control – camera angles, venues, etc. I don’t know how successful I’ll be, but will give it a go. I’ve also noticed silk-style jackets aren’t the best choice. They don’t have firm enough structure, so they look baggy. Another consideration for future videos. Putting yourself out there in new and frightening situations is not something I have ever shied away from. I feel the fear and say fuck it, but it’s not easy. Not easy at all. I’ll be doing my first Webinar soon too. Crikey. Another first to get through. Tell me, what is your “detaching from the body” situation that you cringe about the most? I would love to hear from you, as well as hear any tips you’ve learnt to manage it? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

It’s a fascinating time to be alive, but equally, it’s an exhausting time – especially this year. The hatred and division coming up in the world concerns me on such a deep level and I often feel exhausted by it. It leaves me without hope for the future of our planet. Hatred and division have existed throughout human history, and while we move forward as a species after-the-factwhen it hits boiling point – usually becoming better and more cohesive societies – the fact that we are now living through a time likes this makes me despondent, mainly for our kids. But women and respect for women has been a big part of the discussion in recent times, not just because we have the first female running for US President, but because her opponent is a complete and utter dirt bag. #DonaldTrumpReallyisanAsshole. Donald’s recent sexual harassment video has obviously been part of the narrative in recent weeks, however the thing that’s fascinated me more, is not the women coming out (brave ladies, 12thtoday) suggesting his comments were not just talk, but the men telling us what is and what is not sexual harassment. Of course, Donald claimed it was just “locker room talk,” and even if it was just talk, it’s not locker room talk – as many men who’ve actually spent time in a locker room have attested to. However, it is the action of grabbing a woman’s pussy that has been put to question. According to some men (and alarmingly, some women), did you know that having your “pussy grabbed” by an entitled man isn’t, in fact, sexual harassment?   I had my pussy grabbed once. It was back in 1992 when I was I’m wandering through Cairo’s famous archaeology museum, checking out the wonders of the ancient world. It was brilliant and I was enraptured. Then, out of the blue, this young man walks up and grabs me right on the snatch. Now I’d been in Egypt and the Middle East for a while by this point, where EVERY SINGLE DAY men worked very hard to grab my tits and arse, but this was the first time one went straight for the vag. What happened next? A feeling of overwhelming revulsion went through my entire body. It was the most violated I had ever felt in my life (I have not been raped, attempted but never succeeded) and a rage exploded that surprised even me. I’ve never been angrier and I punched this guy so hard in the chest, he was literally lifted off his feet and smacked into the wall a couple of feet behind him. I was in the army then. I was young. I was strong. And I was really really fucking angry. I lunged for him then and he got up and ran away so fast, with a look of unbelievable fear in his eyes, that I couldn’t catch up to keep going. Because I was definitely going to keep going. Fucker!! But this reaction surprised me. Me? A pacifist. Someone who could never imagine what it would take to hit anyone and yet, there I was. So I screamed after him: “yeah you run you fucken coward. You run away pathetic fucking man.” The other guests in the museum edged away from me rather quickly after that. I looked like a mad bitch for sure. Definitely a nasty woman! I was shaking with anger for ages afterwards. No one had ever done that to me before and I cannot describe exactlyhow it made me feel. One thing I do know is that it was sexual assault. That is not a part of the body anyone has the right to grab without permission. I had lots of other experiences travelling alone as a young, single female back then. Another guy tried to rape me in a tomb – I kicked the shit out of him. And another chased me through a cemetery with his dick in his hand. Ugly things penises. Nether succeeded. But it was the twat grab that had the biggest impact. Such a violation! I haven’t been raped – as I said – but if being grabbed on the mouey feels like this, then I can only imagine how much deeper that anger and revulsion goes when one is raped. Sexual violence against women, or men, is never ever ok. Ever. And the pathetic men that do it? Alpha males? Bollocks. All the great men I’ve known and met throughout my life – who actually are alpha males – never feel so inadequate they feel the need to dominate women in anyway – especially sexually. I thought 25 Characteristics of an Alpha Male is more of an indication of what one actually is. Point 25 was the best point…. 25. The alpha male doesn’t try to be an alpha male. That’s where so many fail. He is interested in life, in living. He’s fascinated by the world around him, in becoming the best man he can possibly become. He genuinely cares about people. That, to me, is what makes a man an alpha male. WiseGeek published this article, which I believe gets closer to the truth of the heritage of the term, because it’s not just applied to humans, but to animals as well. Because those other men – the weak cretins who think dominating anyone is what it means to be a man? They’re not alpha males. They’d struggle to be considered a beta male! Because the vast majority of humanity has evolved beyond those animalistic traits, and unfortunately, we still have a large percentage of men around the world who haven’t moved forward with us. Those particular men, though, should never, ever be given a place of authority, especially not as President of the United States. A man who seeks to dominate, sexually harass women, encourage hatred of others, or create division in society… That’s not a man. They’re not even as good as the animals. They’re just carrying

We’ve just returned from a 10 day mad-dash around Victoria, Australia to celebrate my mum’s 70th birthday. It was great to visit, although I moaned like a bitch about the cold! It was also the first time my three siblings, our four lucky spouses, and all of our nieces and nephews have been in the same place since 2008. Definitely long overdue. Happy birthday girl Anyhoo, we gave mum 70 presents to open on her birthday, and that certainly kept her quiet for the first hour J. But seriously, none of us have seen her laugh like that in years, decades even. Phillipa (my sister) can take the credit for that, as she donated a nice black lacey thong to the present stack. It was nice to see mum laugh. For those who don’t know my mum or haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Kathryn, my mother is a rather interesting lady. As a mother/daughter duo, we’ve never seen eye-to-eye on pretty much anything, however despite that, my mum gave me some great gifts growing up and I want to acknowledge that in honour of her 70thyear. But equally, now that I am a parent, I definitely believe there are things you learn despite your parents, as well as learning from them by the way they act or when they express their own truth. It’s a rather interesting thing this parenting malarkey. So here’s an example of a moment that had a profound impact on me. When I was a wee lass, I went with mum to the bank, and while I can’t remember exactly how old I was, I do remember not being tall enough to see above the counter. My mum was applying for a loan and when all of the paperwork was done, the lady serving us asked the bank manager to come over and check all was in order. Apparently it was and the bank manager declared that the next step required was for mum to get her husband’s approval on the loan and then it could be submitted. Now remembering this was the 70s, it wasn’t an unusual scenario, however I watched my mother rise up and declare: I am the primary breadwinner in my house, I earn the money, and I do not need any man’s approval to apply for a loan thank you very much. Definitely a #YouGoGirl moment! The poor bank manager visibly blanched and then accepted her loan application on the spot, no permission from a man needed. With the grand kids – crazy cats! That was one of many experiences I had with my mum, standing up for herself, standing up for women, and while I regularly want to tear my hair out in frustration at some of my mum’s ideas, I know that the strength I have as a woman, and the courage I have in the way I live my life, comes directly from her. My mum has guts. She never took any shit. And if you want to cross my mum… trust me, it won’t end up pretty for you. I’ve always felt very lucky that we were raised with opposite parenting – especially back in those days. My dad had a job when I was tiny, but then he became a full-time artist. This meant mum went off to work every day and dad was at home sorting out us kids – as he was a much better cook, this was welcome. Because he was at home, he was also the main parent at school activities and so forth. As role models, this was good for young me. In fact, I didn’t know any different. I can certainly say I appreciate it today and am thankful Steve has no issue having a feisty, ambitious woman around the house. It’s normal right? We were never wealthy financiallyas kids, but you know what, we had gifts aplenty in our home – from being introduced to amazing books to read from a young age, curiosity about the world, music, sport, and so much more. I definitely look back on my early years with a smile on my face. I don’t acknowledge the role my mum had on my life often enough, but now that she has a new birthday iPad and can access Facebook, perhaps she can read this and know that I really reallyappreciated being raised by a strong woman to be a strong woman who takes no shit. Thanks mum and I hope you loved your 70th. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

So we’re all hanging out before bedtime, and I’m trying to get the boys to read a book with me. Lex doesn’t want to read the book and goes off in a huff, returning to lie in bed crying. Now this isn’t normal for Lex. He usually has no issue with reading time, but tonight it’s different for some reason. I convince him to come onto the bed with me, and while still crying, he keeps saying “I’m stupid, I’m stupid” and then he says the words I never want to hear him say again: “I want to die mum.” My heart plunges and Steve’s heart plunges… down to the depths of the deepest parts of our souls. Oh Lex my love, please no, don’t say that, not that love. Never want that. Never ever. This goes back a bit.    Lex hasn’t been sleeping well for a few months now, and I’ve been concerned about depression. It’s something I’ve dealt with throughout my life, and definitely something I tackled from a very young age. No one spoke about such stuff when I was little – but it’s made me concerned he’s dealing with it. Now that those horrible horrible words have come out of our beautiful Lexy’s mouth, I’m pretty sure it is the case. We will, of course, get it verified, but what did we do at the moment in time? Well we immediately burst into tears of course. Please never want to do that my love. How could we cope without you in our lives? We love you and Jax more than anything in the whole world and life without you would just be unbearable. Our hearts would die without you. And then the four of us cuddled and cried our hearts out together. Jax was probably most upset of all of us. Lex stopped crying first, and I think he felt good getting it out of his system. Bless him. It seemed he needed a good cry. The bigger challenge for Lex is he is so bloody self-aware these days. In the last 12 months or so, he has really come to understand that he is behind at school, and he is frustrated at his lack of progress – mainly is reading and writing. He knows he should be doing better, but for whatever reason, it’s just not clicking into place yet. He’s making progress every day, but not as much as he knows he can. He’s been on the cusp for a while now and he’s frustrated. But we know it will click into place. We know that moment will arrive. And we know it’s going to happen soon. But he continues to be frustrated. And I understand his frustration. He’s on the precipice of success and he knows it. It’s just taking too long, too too long. Unfortunately, because he’s so self-aware, he’s starting to measure himself on the academic abilities of the other kids in his school. He told me who the intelligent kids were recently, because they always get 10/10 in spelling tests. But getting 10/10 in spelling tests isn’t intelligence, it’s working hard to remember stuff. And besides, we (the parents) don’t work hard enough with Lex on his spelling. There’s only so much time in a day. But if he measured himself by how much he knows about the things he’s passionate about – dinosaurs, magic, animals, marine life, Steve Irwin, extinct animals, the world, etc, etc, etc, then his intelligence is not in question.    He has an amazing mind – a big curious mind that puts everything together from a big picture perspective. It’s an incredible thing watching that boy absorb knowledge and make sense of it all. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know how special that is. He doesn’t understand that this is true intelligence – massive curiosity and the ability to put enormous ideas together to make sense of everything. And we continue to struggle to find professionals who get what Lex is going through. Any other issue they could help us with, but the impact of shrinking ear canals that started at birth (due to explosive tonsil and adenoid growth), meant he missed out on key language development years, and I believe the core issue has always been cognitive. We’ve recently had some more tests done, and finally, they agree. It’s a cognitive issue and thatcan be fixed. So we’re stepping up his therapy now, focusing on this area specifically, and after this, we hope it’ll be done once and for all. I have never stopped believing in this little dude. He’s our little magic man and one day, Lex will take on the world in the biggest way he can. He’ll do something remarkable – whatever that is. I know it. I’ve always known it, and I’ll never stop helping him get where he needs to be to do it. But we’ve got to make sure he’s happy too. Confident. And aware of how bloody terrific he is. We try hard on that front every day, and yet, we know we’re not perfect. Parenting is hard bloody yakka I tell you. Bloody kids! Anyways it was a tough time, a heart breaking time, and I wanted to share because our hearts are aching and virtual hugs are welcome. No matter what though, we’ll never stop believing in our Lexy. Our Magic Man is a special little dude and he’s going to be fine. Sometimes we wish he’d hurry up, but the important thing is, he’ll get there and be full of magnificence and joy when he does. That’s our goal anyway. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

I was delighted to watch the news that Mother Teresa was canonized yesterday, but the best part of the news was watching her community in Calcutta celebrate this amazing moment. Many are so very proud of her. I met Mother T when I was in Calcutta in 1995.     It was an accidental meeting. I went to the Missionaries of Charity compound, inspired to see her work first-hand, and wandered upstairs, curious about a crowd gathering there. And then I saw her. A tiny, frail, wrinkled, delicate woman, giving blessings to everyone who lined up.   So I joined the line and stood before this diminutive woman as she put her hand on my forehead and blessed me. I’ve met a lot of famous people in my life, but no one has ever left me in awe like she did. Truly amazing. Truly remarkable.   If you’ve followed my journey, you’ll know I was raised Catholic, which included attending Catholic schools all the way through. And then I decided no more. I was done with organised religion, I was done with Catholicism, I was done with the sexism inherent in all religions, and in this blog Religious Un-programming, I explained how hard and painful that separation was. I was done.   Mother T, though, was never someone I could dis. Sure I’ve read everything written about her – except for Christopher Hitchens’ book, I can’t read that out of respect for her. I might one day…   But when it comes to Mother Teresa, I’ve heard all the claims, read the speculations and I know what is said. She was not a perfect person, the way the work was administered is questionable, and I definitely don’t agree with many of her ideas – her anti-abortion stance being one.    However, I saw the incredible work the Missionaries of Charity were doing. I spent a lot of time in India in 1995 and at this time, it was not set up to take care of people with leprosy or other hideous diseases or afflictions. I don’t know if that has changed either.    Equally, I grew up around the physically and intellectually disabled through my dad’s work, and was in awe of these beautiful women taking care of people who are not capable of taking care of themselves. These ladies were doing something remarkable. They were giving dignity to people who could get it nowhere else.   I admired their work, even though I knew this was a path I would never take. I have always believed there are many ways we can give to the world. We’ve got to find our own path.   But above all of that, Mother T is my first feminist inspiration. This tiny woman stood up to the men of the Catholic Church and she fought hard, finally getting her way. She had to ask permission to set up the Missionaries of Charity and she did not give up until she succeeded. This was not an easy fight. Read her biography. It’s all there.   And think about it – it was 1950! In 2015 American nuns finally stopped fighting the Vatican for the right to offer care to those they believe needed it! Mother T was a true leader of change in my mind. A disruptor of her day. A woman who was fierce and determined. A woman who didn’t find it easy, but never gave up. I love that part of her story. It’s the part that taught me the most. Never give up!   So I was happy to see Saint Mother Teresa proclaimed yesterday. She reminds me to give all I can to make the world a better place in whatever way I can. She is an inspiration to me – as a woman and as a human being. I think she’s marvelous.   Any thoughts, one way or the other?   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea   Mother Teresa Missionaries of Charity sign and one of the houses of the Missionaries of Charity photos courtesy of Shutterstock.   BTW I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too, if you’re interested in the other stuff I share. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx