February 2016

It’s our youngest sons – Jax – 8th birthday today. Eight! Where did the time go I hear you ask? Well we’ve lived every minute of it, so I can’t tell you it’s flashed by. Not at all. But it’s been a ride. So our message to the Jaxster   Happy Birthday little man and we hope you feel suitably spoilt and special today. It’s kind of handy for you having a mum born on New Year’s Day, because I remember what it’s like to have a birthday at a time when it’s nothing but a blip in the minds of everyone as the post-Christmas lethargy sets in. You will always be special on your big day son – that’s a promise.   But we’re celebrating your big day for another reason as well – your Dad and I. Apparently, this is the end of the illogical, chaos years, otherwise known as childhood.   Those years when we can’t reason with you. When you cry at the drop of a hat. When everything you do is overshadowed by emotion and a lack of common sense. When you are random in your activities and illogical in your motives. When you still require us to do so many of the mundane things – dress you, tie your shoes, brush your teeth, entertain you, keep you focused or occupied, and on it goes.   It’s not that we’ve minded doing those things for you. Much of it has been a pleasure. But we’re nine years into this parenting malarkey (including your brother of course) and you know what, we’re ready to move on. Are you?   We feel like you are. You seem to have grown up so much in the last year, it’s mind blowing. You’re demanding your independence now and we love that mate! Go fly and be free son, but always remember the most important thing is to be confident, kind and respectful – that’s all we ask of you and we’re here to guide you if you want it.   Also now that you’ve had your tonsils and adenoids out, you might get better quality sleep and perhaps we’ll start seeing you accelerate at school like we know you can? That’d be nice love. Last year was a bit stressful for your old parents.   You are a firey one Jaxy! Boy you like an argument don’t you? Being right is important to you as well. You’re obstinate, argumentative, stubborn, pig-headed, dogged, tenacious, confrontational, contrary, adamant, determined… and yet research proves this is a good thing. This article ‘Your Stubborn Kid Will Probably Be A Wildly Successful Adult Says Science’ proves the point.   Hey Steve, let’s not worry about retirement savings. Jax will be rich enough to take care of us – awesome!   I have to say we feel like we’re living through a balancing act now. Trying to ensure you have enough space to develop your own voice, while helping you understand that the most important thing is to be kind and to listen to others. Let’s face it, being right doesn’t always feel good for you anyway – does it darls? Trust me, it’s true. Everyone has a view, listen to them.   But we’re not worried about you mate. You’re growing up, working out who you are, finding your voice, discovering your passions, uncovering your humour, and experimenting at this great game called life. It’s pretty fascinating watching you on this growing-up journey I must say.   We both picture you, walking out the door about a decade from now, all six foot three of you, probably with heaving muscles, and the people you give your heart to are going to be very lucky indeed. You’re certainly a lover my sweet one.   The truth is you’re soft and sensitive, although most people don’t see this side of you. Don’t worry, we know it darling. We’re here to help with the pain in your heart when you need it mate. We understand what that feels like.   Jax we just want you to know that we think you’re a special fella. A total pain in the arse for sure, but we’re at the end of the chaos years now, so happy birthday to my darling boy, and welcome back to sanity for Steve and I (please let it be true). What a ride!   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea         PS: If anyone would like to blow my bubble on the chaos years not being over, right now, please feel free to go and get stuffed!   PPS: not following any of my social pages? Check it out below. I’m a busy beaver sharing lots of loving about all sorts of topics – funny, engaging and surreal. The majority is not my own stuff, just in case you were wondering. If you want to join my community, I’m on Twitter here, Google+ here, Instagram here, and Facebook too. Feel free to share my blog if you think anyone you know will be interested or entertained. I sure do appreciate it when you do xxxxx

Mucous. Like really really.   We all have that one thing that turns our stomach right? For me it’s mucous. Closely followed by people chewing gum in my hearing (can’t stand that smacking noise). I used to hate pubes on soap too. Seem to have gotten over that one. Maybe because no one has pubes anymore…   Anyhoo having babies was HARD for me and Steve had to deal with a lot of the unfortunate situations that arise before your little mites can deal with it themselves. Request: do not bring your child near me if they have a runny nose, please!   But living in Asia and having spent years travelling this majestic region, I’ve had to confront this demon.  The sniffing, snorting, clearing of throats, and the oh-so-lovely hurling up of a dockyard-oyster anywhere you like. Ugh! The worst was my adventures backpacking in China in 1995. I wore white pants once (yeah, I know, who backpacks with white pants? I learnt that lesson) only to come back to the hostel in the evening to see that my thongs (flip flops) had been flicking slag up the back of my pants all day long. Revolting!   Nothing could prepare me for the mucous experience I had this week though. As part of Jax’s post-op care, I took him back to the surgeon for a final check-up. Steve did the previous appointment and did not warn me – he knew better.   So we’re all set to go and they get out this contraption with a long steel tube. It goes straight up Jax’s nose and OH MY GOD!! There was copious amounts of stuff coming out and I could see it all through a clear tube. Stomach heave!   But I couldn’t run away. This was a rather unpleasant experience for the Jaxster too, and I had to stay there to try and keep him calm, all the while dealing with bile in my mouth and a roiling stomach that wanted to unleash a torrent.   Let’s not forget the ladies doing this procedure – every single day. I mean it’s part of their job. I JUST CAN NOT IMAGINE A WORSE JOB!   Let’s be honest here, you’ve got to face some rather unfortunate – and all too human – aspects of life when you become a parent, but I seriously believe I have found my threshold. No way. Never again. Steve you are doing it!   To cap that lovely experience off, the next morning I had a coffee meeting and we were sitting on a street in a cool part of town. Three people walked past and in line of sight cleared their nose on the street. THREE! Just blew it out there. Not to mention sitting right next to me was another guy who sniffed his way through his coffee.   Ahhhhhhhhhh! I hate it.   What’s your one thing?   Yours, without the bollocks Andrea