September 16, 2011

What can I say – it’s been a weird and very emotional week. Knowing that someone I love has suffered such a huge and devastating loss while there is little I can do, is not an easy thing to accept. When you feel this way, you wander through the world, not really part of it. Anyone who has experienced grief – or been close to it as is my case this week – knows what I mean. When you feel like this, any bitching, moaning, judgement, etc.. is even more unwelcome than usual, because when you hear it, you want to shake that person and say, how can you complain? How can you judge? Don’t you know what happened this week? But we are all wrapped up in our own lives and often so busy, we get consumed and often don’t spend time thinking of others. We all have our own problems to deal with and one of the life lessons I’ve learned on this journey is this – all problems are relevant to the person experiencing them. They may not be as big as some are suffering, but they are still relevant. I came to this epiphany when I’ve felt guilty about moaning about my own lot, because I have seen human suffering on a scale that’s blown my mind – yet I haven’t even seen the worst this world has to offer, like the camps in Darfur. But my problems and concerns are relevant to me, and therefore relevant. I have a right to them. As does everyone. This week I feel more connected to the worst the world has to offer and I have to say, I don’t like it. So I’ve been asking myself, how can I do something to help the little Tracey’s of the world live? How can I really make a difference? You see, I believe I can make a difference. That I can do something significant. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’ll be sure to tell you when I do know, because I’ll be looking for support. I’ve decided that I’m going to get really really busy, because if I want to change the world, then I need the power and connections to do so. Don’t worry, I won’t be entering politics – never understood why anyone would do that – but I’ll find a way, somehow. All I know is that I need to do more. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea