Fuck it Enough

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know I love my little lads with every fibre of my being, but you’ll also know they turn me into a screaming harpy on a regular basis, and that we’ve had some additional challenges on the parental ride. I always recognise that when my patience is lacking with them, MOST of the time, it actually has nothing to do with how they are behaving or why they’re being turds, and instead everything to do with how I’m feeling about my life – like I said, most of the time! I also think that if I’m not happy, they pick up on the vibe and are a little bit more difficult as well. So essentially, it’s all my fault. To try and ensure I’m a peaceful, loving and attentive Mum I came up with a mantra – patience and love. I repeat it throughout the day, but when I can feel a yell coming on, I close my eyes, repeat it to myself, and then I deal with whatever chaotic situation I am faced with in a loving, quiet voice. That’s the goal anyway. They’re just kids and we all know kids are going to drive us nuts as they push and test us, all the while working out who they are. But I’m the adult and working out a way to deal with it to ensure we’re all happy is what drives me. The reality is, yelling gets me nowhere with my boys, but when I approach situations in a calm and easy manner – shit they respond better, usually doing what they’re told the first time. It’s like a miracle every time. My mantra really works for me and while it’s easy to forget it in the heat of the moment, I find that when I do remember it – as I am this month as it’s part of my FIE focus for January – it ensures a much calmer and happier household. The household vibe is definitely calmer with Steve and I focused on making sure it is so. The reality is we just want a happy home – that’s it, our only goal. So can anyone else recommend something they do or have any advice that gets them great results with their kids and makes them happier to boot? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

My favourite food of all time has to be Indian, with Thai a close second. Last night we had Indian with our great friends Lisa and Frankie, understanding that we needed to forgo pappadums and Nan to stick to our wheat free month. Steve also couldn’t have the pakhora – his personal Indian pleasure. It’s only a month, we can do it and seriously, I felt lighter for it! Six days in, it’s no problem, although we’re bloody starving by the time mealtime comes round. We had a really lovely night, but when I got to bed, I experienced three symptoms from my meal: Racing heart Itchy all over I was hot and couldn’t cool down That is me having a reaction to colourings or additives and it ensures a REALLY shit night’s sleep. Steve also didn’t sleep well with me thrashing around next to him. Thankfully for me, I’ve recognised my sensitivities to things and generally eat as pure as pure can be. I don’t eat McDonalds or other fast foods because it makes my skin itch and sometimes I want to vomit even as I eat it. Soy sauce makes my legs jittery when I go to bed and I can’t sleep. It also gives me anxiety attacks. Teriyaki sauce is the same but not as extreme. Anything from a packet makes me itchy and uncomfortable, with my dreams all over the place and full of horror. Any tomato-based sauce gives me heart burn and I can’t sleep. Bread with preservative 282 and 320 makes my legs itch too, as well as causing a general feeling of unease in my gut. I avoid it whenever I can. I think I’m lucky, because I’ve been paying attention for many years to how my body reacts to food, so I’ve had time to accept it is who I am and work around it. The challenge comes from the fact it’s almost impossible to go out for dinner and not be impacted. For example, Thai food in Singapore – forget it. There is so much MSG in Thai food here, I develop an MSG headache even before I leave the restaurant, and that includes the posh Thai restaurants. Obviously, I want to be able to go out for dinner with friends – that’s a happy thing for me to do – but when I do it, I have to accept the consequences. There seems no middle ground, although my favourite Indian/Sri Lankan restaurant, Colombos, is proud of the fact they use nothing but pure ingredients. I’ve never have a bad night after Colombos, except when I drink too much vodka – hic! That’s why I keep returning. So who else has a really bad time on additives and preservatives? Anything in particular get to you? Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

The primary thought habit I want to change is resisting how my life is – by focusing on how I want it to be, as opposed to “enjoying” the ride no matter what. By means of background, I’ve been tracking my thoughts for years now. It’s a really great habit to get into, and it has definitely helped me get rid of any horrible thinking – towards others and myself. My goal is to think kind thoughts always, but it’s not easy to hold onto this goal when life keeps throwing tidal waves of crap at you. The sort of thoughts I want to change are not difficult, but they need to go and I MUST embrace finding my joy in how my life is today, right now, no matter what, because now is all there is right? The things I say or think every day that I want to stop include “You need to sleep more” – to the boys of course. Well they’re not going to sleep more and they’re going to get up whenever the hell they want, so why not just go with that little pearl of life huh? My anxiety over their lack of sleep has a massive impact on me and it’s time to go with the flow (a saying my husband HATES), but oh so true “I just want to be in my own home” – another biggie, as we’ve now been out of our own home and in temporary accommodation since September 2010. I just miss my beautiful things, but we will get back in our own home at some point, and it’s feeling closer at long last, so why not just enjoy and invest in the home I have? The reality is, it doesn’t matter, just living in the now matters “I am tired” – every day I think this, every bloody day! That’s why “I have energy” as a thought habit goal for FIE January, but seriously, I need to eradicate tired thinking from my mind. It makes me more tired focusing on it, and I don’t want the boys to grow up being influenced by that thinking “I wish ….. was different” – can be applied to so many things. There are many sayings around this idea, but a saying that resonated with me recently is this one by William James: “Be willing to have it so. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”  Indeed, acceptance Just a few examples, but breaking the habit of defining my life in any other way than what it is, must happen if I want to smile. So stop the thoughts and enjoy the ride. I’ve definitely lost track of my thoughts in recent months, but to give a little context of why, two years ago, Steve and I came back to Singapore because we recognised this is where we could both achieve our dreams. We came equipped with two things – enough money to last a couple of months and an undefeatable positive attitude. We didn’t have work, a place to live, a school for the boys, etc… – we just came back believing it would work out (a massive step for Steve to make I might add – still can’t believe I convinced him to give it a go!). It was an experiment in positive manifestation or the Law of Attraction and it was a complete disaster. However, I couldn’t guarantee I was 100% positive in the right way, or that my thoughts were in alignment with my goals, because understanding how our thoughts impact our lives is a difficult thing to really know, even in practise – because we have ourselves (and our egos) in the way. I also couldn’t speak for Steve’s thoughts, and because we were in this together, his thoughts were impacting my life and vice versa, so equally valid to consider. BUT there is one thing I could say I learnt in this time – being positive is a whole lot better than being a negative, worried, downtrodden, misery-guts! So do I believe in the power of the mind and the power of our thoughts to change our life? I don’t know, because my personal experiment with it has been a “failure”, but there are so many forces at play in the universe, and who knows what the truth is? The only thing I’ve ever known for sure is that I don’t know a whole lot. I just don’t know how it all works, and perhaps I’ve been doing the wrong things? Or perhaps there are dark forces at play (as some have suggested)? Or perhaps this is what I’m supposed to experience so I can share my lessons? Or perhaps we live, die and turn to dust? Who knows? I truly don’t believe that last one though – I just don’t. My super positive thinking kept me going for 15 months straight. You could not make me doubt, because I believe (and still do) that anything is possible when you put your mind to it. But after 15 months of believing, I got some disappointing news, realised the promises made were never going to happen, and Lex got kicked out of school because they couldn’t understand how to teach him. As such, I came crashing down. I think I’ve spent the last nine months in up-down land. The downs haven’t been nice and the first one lasted a good couple of months before I could drag my sorry arse out of it, and since then, I’ve had a few more but never as long. I’m essentially a happy person and an optimist, so going into a bleak place is VERY difficult for me to cope with, and poor Steve putting up with it!! Then again, he’s had his downs too.We must remember… I’ve included just a few examples and this month my quest for a positive mindset most of the time, while remembering to enjoy

Yesterday Steve and I started our wheat free plan for a month. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time, because when I look at the symptoms of wheat intolerance, I can definitely say I relate to many of them. I’ve been researching it a fair bit in recent months and here is a sample of possible indicators of wheat intolerance. Bloating and gut ache Weight loss or weight gain or the inability to lose weight Low iron Diarrhoea or constipation Lots of farting Headaches Memory loss Behavioural difficulties Depression Frequent infections – cold and flu, mouth ulcers, yeast infections, etc… Stiffness in the joints Proneness to allergies Arthritis, colitis, thyroiditis, psoriasis, and more Skin rashes Food cravings Tiredness or irritability Chronic fatigue or exhaustion Unwell feeling Infertility, irregular menstrual cycle and miscarriage Cramps, tingling and numbness Decline in dental health   I think the symptom that stands out most to me is the ‘unwell feeling.’ How many people feel that way?   I was tested for coeliac disease after my boys were born. My sister developed it during pregnancy, which meant there was a stronger genetic chance I could also develop it as well. I came up clear, BUT I think I might go back again at the end of this month and get re-tested once I eat wheat again. It’s one of those things that can develop over time and is definitely worth being aware of – especially if there are people in the family with it. If not dealt with, it can kill you, with all sorts of cancers linked to it and much more. However, even though I didn’t have coeliac disease, things like being tired, exhaustion, sinking into depression, memory loss, aching joints, and more, have all been part of my life. Steve has chronic allergies and feels bloated when he drinks beer. Lex is currently recovering from a skin rash and behavioural difficulties often flare up. We can relate. As such I have decided to tackle it head on by making it my number one focus area for FIE January 2013. Going wheat free for a month isn’t hard, but it’s definitely a pain in the arse. The way I eat is all based around a quick sandwich in the day and the speed of preparing food is important to me as well. Now I have to think in advance, plan to make sure the cupboards are stocked up, and the hardest one is breakfast – however I got that solved with smoothies, as well as banana, yoghurt and nuts mixed together. We also stocked up on gluten free cereal and bought a couple of cookbooks, although Pinterest is a goldmine of great recipes. It’s only a month, we can do that!! With that said, we made our first wheat mistake today – here’s the yummy frittata Steve made for lunch today.  But it’s got ham in it and cold cuts are off the menu because of cross-contamination potential – damn! Bacon is OK though. The reality is, I just want to see if I get to the end of January feeling remarkably better – but maybe I can lose a few kilos too – because if that’s the case, it’s a worthwhile experiment indeed. Shit, if this is the culprit, my mission to have a zippier life might be solved in the first month. With that, I wanted to ask if anyone else can relate to any of these symptoms? Has anyone been thinking of giving wheat the boot for a short time to see if it makes a difference? Or has anyone done it and is willing to share the results? The one thing I know for sure, everyone I’ve spoken to about it has told me that they felt much better and lost weight. As such, it’s worth giving it a crack I reckon. Yours, without the bollocks Andrea    Some articles on Wheat Intolerance and Coeliac Disease WebMD – Here’s a Slideshow for a Gluten Free Diet The Daily Mail NaturalNews Foodintol – and I can relate to a lot of these symptoms ShiptonMill – this is interesting and talks about the rise of the industrialisation of food production in alignment with the rise in coeliac disease and wheat intolerance WebMD – A list of food containing wheat – no ice-cream… GlutenFreeNetwork – a comprehensive article on the what and why There are many more, but a good starting point if you’re interested.

Yesterday I launched my personal crusade to make my life magical and it’s entitled ‘Fuck it, Enough!’ I wanted to say a BIG thank you for the positive responses I’ve received already, especially Sandra who’s suggested we set up a motivation group to keep each other focused – anyone in Singapore want to join the fun? It seems that many people can relate to the on-going desire to make real changes in our lives, understanding that life could be a little bit better if we have the courage to make small changes, and that’s what it’s all about for me – lots of little changes resulting in lots of big changes over time. I’ve just decided to do this publicly to make it stick and I am thrilled some people want to come on the ride with me. Knowing I’m not alone is wonderful support. As I said in my long blog yesterday, today I’m going to tell you what I plan on doing in January to start taking the steps towards the life I want to live. I have split my goals into actions and thoughts – so changes for the outside and changes for the inside. I’m a big believer in how our thoughts can shape our lives, and while I have no idea how I can change some of the mindsets dragging me down, I am hoping that by focusing on some of the negative ones, it could be the way to start. I suppose that focus (or paying attention to my thoughts) will help me catch myself when I go into the place I don’t want to go, and give me the chance to say no, ‘Fuck it, Enough!’ Focus for FIE January 2013 – and this elegantly scribed list is now pasted to my front door Actions Wheat free for one month – not easy for an Aussie who likes a sandwich, and I’m going to explain my reasons for this in another blog. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while now Stretch in the morning, walk in the evening – I started the morning stretch many months ago, but I am now adding the walk as well, plus recommitting to the stretching because I became a bit apathetic. My physical pursuits will increase, but I have some nagging issues so I need to focus on getting my strength back See an Osteo – as I said, I’ve got long-term issues from going to a chiropractor 10 years ago and rotator cuff injuries from my pregnancies – the only thing that’s helped is Osteo. My Osteo left Singapore, so I need to take the advice of friends and find a new one Do something new – this will be a monthly goal to keep me growing Take the bloody stairs – I live on the second floor for god’s sake! And that goes for escalators too – walk up them Say YES! – the amount of times I miss opportunities to be with people or do something fun amazes me. It’s been the case since the boys came along and I need to change that. I also need to stop the “I’m too tired” thinking. Being with people gives me energy Go out! – not only do I need to say yes to opportunities, but I need to create them as well – anything, just don’t spend so much time at home or on my own. And if I’m feeling blue, more so Listen to music – I’ve recently stocked up on more CDs for the car – Queen, Adam Lambert and more – the sort of music that I want to sing to. It makes me happy And while you’re at it – laugh! – this is a biggie for me, remembering to laugh more. I fell off the stool while bathing the boys the other night. It felt good for all of us to laugh at me Thoughts It is how it is, so enjoy it – I spend too much time thinking of how things should be, as opposed to enjoying how it is “I have energy” – every time I find myself going into tired thinking, I need to remind myself that I have energy – I know it works, because I’ve tried it, now I need to lock it in as a ‘thought habit’ Patience and love – this is a mantra I practise sometimes with my boys, but it needs to be a ‘thought habit’ as well Give the silent gift of love and joy – some will find this a bit naff, but many great thinkers have shared this wisdom and I do it sometimes, just express loving or kind thoughts silently to everyone I meet or engage with. The energy transfer is supposed to be extremely powerful when you do this, but the best bit is it makes you feel better towards everyone you meet So there you go, my thoughts and actions to focus on for the month. I am going to explain a couple in blogs over the next week, because some need a bit of clarification, however these focus areas may not be relevant to you. Therefore, if you’re like me and have hit the point of ‘Fuck it, Enough” – where you’ve essentially had enough of yourself – I’d love to know what your ideas are? And with that it’s now lunchtime… but no sandwich allowed. No worries – yummy rice crackers – ugh! Yours, without the bollocks Andrea

The ‘Fuck it, Enough’ Crusade Commences I’m having a mid-life crisis, there is no doubt about it, and yes women have them too. At the grand old age of 43, I think it’s a mortality thing – it’s like you’re closer to the end than you are to the beginning, and you know this because things ache and your eye sight goes, and well, unsavoury physical things just happen. As such, you can’t help but ponder how you need to live your life to ensure you get old with a skip in yourself, rather than requiring the aid of a Zimmer frame. I don’t want a Zimmer frame that’s for sure – I saw a lady on one recently and it made me feel sad. But am I doing enough to ensure I don’t need one? I know I’m not. From a life point of view, since I turned 40 (well before that really) things have gone downhill in many many ways – the way I want my life to be just doesn’t seem to want to happen. I’ve worked hard to turn the tide around, but I don’t know, maybe I’m focusing on the wrong things? That’s usually the case right? Life has been hard yakka, but chasing dreams isn’t always easy, and I’ve spent a fair bit of time in recent months wondering if the dreams are right, because my main goal of freedom is not being achieved in the mix – so what’s the point? While being stubborn can be a good thing, recognising when things aren’t working out is a good thing too. It’s not working out because it’s not making me smile. My main concern is a deep level of unhappiness with my life and I’m just not laughing enough or as much as I used to. It’s got nothing to do with the three beautiful men in my life – I just can’t seem to move forward the way I want to. I’m a smiler (always have been) and a positive person as a general rule, but that’s not how things have been these last few years, and I’ve spent more time chasing the blues away than I care to remember. I don’t want to be a miserable old cow, I want to be a happy old cow, so it’s time for the blues to piss off for good. My dream remains at my core – to be free and live a life most can only dream about – but there are many aspects of my life that I can change while working towards that goal – and it’s these changes that I am convinced will help me achieve it all. As such, today, I’m making a public commitment to change my ways once and for all. I’m not doing this because I’m a believer in resolutions, I’m doing it because it is my 43rd birthday today, and yes, I always have a hangover on my birthday – except when I was pregnant with Jax. I have to say that 43 is starting to feel a little bit old, but also, because of the four years of relentless gruel that has literally worn me out, I have decided to tackle it head on and launch my very own personal crusade, elegantly entitled ‘Fuck It, Enough’ (or FIE). I’m doing it publicly on my blog to really give me a kick in the arse to make sure I stick with it – because if you know me, you’ll know that personal pride is a very strong attribute. I know I need to do this publicly, because I did something like this a couple of years ago privately, and well, it fizzled out – I just didn’t have the constant pressure to succeed and we need that right? Therefore, I’ve decided to come out! I need the motivation of declaring to the world – this is what I’m going to do and then I am going to do it. But I’m also hoping others will join me for the ride – to work with me over the coming months or years to work out how we can be the best ‘US’ we can be on every level imaginable. No more grinding through the days, or suffering through life. It would mean so much to me to know that people are on board or just supporting me, with those getting involved focused on achieving one single goal – to achieve a frame of mind where you leap out of bed, every day, screaming – “isn’t life fucking GREAT?” I don’t do that every day, in fact, I rarely do it, and while generally speaking I’d say my default personality setting swings towards the positive, I have to admit that life has become a grind, and well, I don’t like it. I’ve got one life, and I want that one to be amazing – and it HAS been amazing, I just seem to have lost my joy these last few years, and I want it back. The things I’m planning to tackle include (in no particular order) Redefining my purpose – this is the most important thing I need in my life to be content. When I have purpose, I can conquer the world – so what does it need to be? I don’t know yet, but I’ll tell you when I do. However, defining the ‘Fuck It, Enough’ crusade this last couple of months – in my head – has given me more purpose than anything else I’ve been involved with for a long time – and that was off the back of another couple of bleak months. Fuck it, Enough! Purpose is necessary – as Margaret Thatcher says “my life has got to mean something” and that is definitely how I feel Work – my work hasn’t been flowing and I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps it’s because I’ m not doing the right thing. If it’s easy, you’re doing the right thing, if